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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, sport and exercise classes are replaced with academic subjects. Why is it so? What are the effects on the children in their lives?

It is irrefutable that academic subjects are crucial in today's era of cut-throat competition
Although
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 there are reasons why more and more
schools
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 are axing
sports
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 and physical exercise
classes
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 for
academics
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, I believe that
this
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 trend has a detrimental effect on
children
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. There are many reasons why educational institutes are replacing
sports
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 and exercise
classes
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 with academic
classes
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.
Firstly
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, the competition today is very stiff, and students have to excel in
academics
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 to secure a seat in a good university or college. So, parents
also
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 force
schools
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 to focus more on academic subjects so that their
children
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 have a good future. The second reason why
schools
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 are focusing more on academic subjects is that they are under pressure to show better academic results to get more government funding and more student enrolment.
However
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, the increased focus on
academics
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 and the neglect of
sports
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 and physical education have severe consequences for
children
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. The major adverse effect is on the physical and mental health of
children
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.
Children
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 who do not engage in physical activity are physically unfit and are more prone to diseases like obesity and diabetes later on in life.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 excessive academic pressure and lack of participation in
sports
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,
children
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 are stressed and their academic performance
also
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 suffers.
Finally
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, a major benefit of
sports
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 is that students learn skills like teamwork, co-operation, discipline, sportsman spirit, punctuality etc. These skills have become the need of the hour, with the ever-growing competition in every field. By replacing
sports
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 and physical education
classes
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 with
academics
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,
schools
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 are depriving
children
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 of developing
such
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 skills.
This
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 in turn reduces the
children
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's ability to work and coordinate well with others during adulthood. In conclusion,
although
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 it is important for a child to succeed academically, the chances of success are increased with a balanced approach that includes
sports
Use synonyms
 and physical education.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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