IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, there are fewer young people who listen to or play classical music these days. Why is this? Should young people be encouraged to play or perform classical music?

#countries #people #music
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Nowadays, the number of youngsters who listen to or play classical
music
Use synonyms
 is fewer in many.
This
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 essay will explain why
this
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 phenomenon is happening and discuss whether should
teenagers
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 be spurred to play or perform classical
music
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.
To begin
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 with, the classical melody is more complicated/intricate and longer than other types of
music
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/
music
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 genres. If people want to play classical
music
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 perfectly/flawlessly/excellently, they need to spend a lot of time practising and even acquiring knowledge and skills.
In addition
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,
pop
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music
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 is prevalent among the young generation.
For instance
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, if someone is good at performing
pop
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music
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, they could become famous on campus, so many
teenagers
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 have the motivation to learn how to play it.
In contrast
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, there are fewer classical
music
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 listeners nowadays, and
therefore
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teenagers
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 lack interest in playing it.
Although
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 few young people enjoy/appreciate classical
music
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, we should not compel anyone to play because
this
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 is not superior to other types of
music
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/
music
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 genres. Each type of
music
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 its unique characteristics and can not be replaced.
For example
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,
pop
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music
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 usually touches/
resonate
Wrong verb form
resonates
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/
relate
Wrong verb form
relates
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 to those who have similar experiences, which classical
music
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 can not do. /
Pop
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music
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,
for instance
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, often has lyrics that resonate with listeners who have similar experiences,
whereas
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 classical
music
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 does not.
Therefore
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, youngsters/the younger generation should have the right/freedom to
choose
Verb problem
apply
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decide what
music
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 they want to learn or listen to
On the other hand
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, learners will not be consistent in learning if they lack motivation.
Thus
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, the better way is to inspire young learners’ interest in classical
music
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. In conclusion, classical
music
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 is not prevalent among
teenagers
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due to
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 its complicacy in playing and is unpopular.
Instead
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 of forcing them to learn classical
music
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, they might be given the freedom to play or what
music
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 to listen to
base
Replace the word
based
show examples
 on their preference.
Submitted by clairelee890201 on

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task response
Ensure that your examples are more specific and directly related to the points you are making. Your main points need to be more fully supported with relevant, detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a good overall structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, work on linking your ideas more effectively within your body paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next.
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