In some countries, there are fewer young people who listen to or play classical music these days. Why is this? Should young people be encouraged to play or perform classical music?

Nowadays, the number of youngsters who listen to or play classical
music
is fewer in many.
This
essay will explain why
this
phenomenon is happening and discuss whether should
teenagers
be spurred to play or perform classical
music
.
To begin
with, the classical melody is more complicated/intricate and longer than other types of
music
/
music
genres. If people want to play classical
music
perfectly/flawlessly/excellently, they need to spend a lot of time practising and even acquiring knowledge and skills.
In addition
,
pop
music
is prevalent among the young generation.
For instance
, if someone is good at performing
pop
music
, they could become famous on campus, so many
teenagers
have the motivation to learn how to play it.
In contrast
, there are fewer classical
music
listeners nowadays, and
therefore
teenagers
lack interest in playing it.
Although
few young people enjoy/appreciate classical
music
, we should not compel anyone to play because
this
is not superior to other types of
music
/
music
genres. Each type of
music
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
its unique characteristics and can not be replaced.
For example
,
pop
music
usually touches/
resonate
Wrong verb form
resonates
show examples
/
relate
Wrong verb form
relates
show examples
to those who have similar experiences, which classical
music
can not do. /
Pop
music
,
for instance
, often has lyrics that resonate with listeners who have similar experiences,
whereas
classical
music
does not.
Therefore
, youngsters/the younger generation should have the right/freedom to
choose
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decide what
music
they want to learn or listen to
On the other hand
, learners will not be consistent in learning if they lack motivation.
Thus
, the better way is to inspire young learners’ interest in classical
music
. In conclusion, classical
music
is not prevalent among
teenagers
due to
its complicacy in playing and is unpopular.
Instead
of forcing them to learn classical
music
, they might be given the freedom to play or what
music
to listen to
base
Replace the word
based
show examples
on their preference.
Submitted by clairelee890201 on

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task response
Ensure that your examples are more specific and directly related to the points you are making. Your main points need to be more fully supported with relevant, detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a good overall structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, work on linking your ideas more effectively within your body paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next.
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