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Band 6

In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future?

#countries #role #mother #father #differences #roles #future
Every parent looks after their
children
 and it is a crucial task for both parties and the major responsibility on the
mother
's shoulders because she has the ability to take care of their young ones.
However
, the characteristics of parents are different so they look after their young ones in different ways. Most of the mothers are sensitive so they carried out
children
 more protective rather than fathers.
This
 essay will elaborate
further
 in the following paragraphs. A plethora of parents look after their young
children
 and the role of parents varies towards the kids because they think with different perspectives. Mothers are fundamentally conscious of parental responsibility. A
mother
 is capable of multitasking she can do lots of work
while
 looking after their babies.
For instance
, she can feed them during house chores, make food at home and clean the household things. The female
mother
 has a sympathetic personality and she provides everything to her child. If it is needed a female parent can fight anyone for the sake of her babies.
Furthermore
, female parent spend their whole life to looking after their babies and cannot pay attention to their health.
Besides
this
, they have focused towards
children
's growth and cannot bother her life.
Therefore
, most
children
 love
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their
mother
 because she considers their needs.
On the other hand
, the personality of the father differs from the
mother
 because he works day and night to run his family and he doesn't pay attention towards them. His main work is to give support to his family by spending money on their education
as well as
 paying utility bills. The character of man as a father is focused merely on one thing he cannot do multitasking.
Consequently
,
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a coherent logical structure, with ideas not flowing naturally from one to the other. It is essential to establish clear and logical connections between your paragraphs and points. To improve, it is advisable to outline your essay before starting, making sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the transitions between them are smooth.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are not fully developed; these are critical components of your essay that set the stage and summarize your arguments. Make sure to include a clear thesis statement in the introduction and a final thought in the conclusion that ties everything together.
Coherence & Cohesion
While you have attempted to support your main points, the supporting evidence provided lacks depth and specificity. It is important to show not just tell. Use specific examples and explanations that clearly relate to your main points to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Your response is incomplete and difficult to follow, with several points left underdeveloped. It is important to fully address the essay prompt, which includes discussing both current differences and potential future developments in parental roles. Ensure you develop each point adequately.
Task Achievement
Your essay does not present clear and comprehensive ideas. Clarity could be improved by focusing on one idea at a time and explaining it thoroughly before moving to the next. Avoid overgeneralization and strive for precision in your arguments for improved comprehensibility.
Task Achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples is fundamental in illustrating your points and making your argument persuasive. The essay lacks appropriate examples, which are crucial in demonstrating an in-depth understanding of the topic. In future essays, aim to incorporate concrete examples that reinforce your main ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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