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Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph illustrates the number of UK people commuting to work every day by car, bus or train from 1970 to 2030

The line graph illustrates the number of UK people commuting to work every day by car, bus or train from 1970 to 2030
The line graph illustrates the
number
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 who go to work daily by three means of transport over a period of 60 years starting from 1970 in the UK. In general, the
number
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 of
people
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 using
car
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 and
train
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 increase gradually
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
bus
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users
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 falls steadily.
In addition
Linking Words
,
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car
Add an article
the car
a car
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 is by far the most preferred transportation of all over the period shown.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1970
people
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 went to work by
car
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 around 5
million
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while
Linking Words
bus
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 and
train
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 were selected by about 4
million
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 and 2
million
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. In the next 30
years
Add a comma
,years
show examples
 the
number
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 of
car
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users
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 rose to 7
million
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
people
Use synonyms
 using
Use synonyms
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
 reached 3
million
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the figure for
bus
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users
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 saw a slight decrease to lower than 4
million
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 in 2000. By 2030, the
number
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 of
people
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 who commute by
car
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 is expected to reach almost 9
million
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, and the
number
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 of
train
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users
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 predicted to rise, to nearly 5
million
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
bus
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users
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 are predicted to become a less popular choice with only 3
million
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, car, train, bus, users, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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