IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010
#information #gym #membership
The line graph illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 and
women
membership
Fix the agreement mistake
memberships
show examples
 in a
gym
 in 1980 and 2010.
Overall
,
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
gym
membership
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased,
while
women
 were
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 in the
period
 given. At the beginning of the
period
Add a comma
,period
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
in
Change preposition
of in
show examples
men
gym
membership
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 higher than
women
 which
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
period
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
women
 of
gym
membership
 become higher number than
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
men
,
begun
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
just
Change preposition
at just
show examples
 over 2000
people
 in 1980 and
falling
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 dramatically to slightly under 2000
people
 before
rose
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
 significantly to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak at around 5000
people
 in 2005 before
dropped
Wrong verb form
dropping
show examples
 dramatically to lower than 1000
people
 by the end of the
period
.
On the other hand
, in 1980
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
gym
membership
 started at around 1000
people
 and rose significantly to almost 3000
people
 in 1995 before
fluctuated
Wrong verb form
fluctuating
show examples
 and
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 until the end of the
period
.
Submitted by witchayutpie on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, membership, gym, period, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fluctuate
  • Spike
  • Steady increase
  • Decline
  • Plateau
  • Peak
  • Surge
  • Membership uptake
  • Gender disparity
  • Health consciousness
  • Fitness regimes
  • Societal norms
  • Technological advancements
  • Demographic shift
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