IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the government should make laws regarding nutrition and healthy lifestyle, while others think that it is a matter of personal responsibility. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #government #laws #nutrition #lifestyle #matter #responsibility
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed the regulations about health and nutrition should be driven by the government agency
while
Linking Words
 others insist that it should be considered as a self-responsibility. I definitely agree with the former statement which can positively affect personal consuming behaviour. On one hand, forcing nutritional-related laws on food-producing companies should be announced. Healthy products can consist of many types and fewer sugary drinks are part of it. As people have discussed in
this
Linking Words
 era, the more sweetness is added, the more delicious the drink is.
Hence
Linking Words
, it should be controlled by the rules to minimise
this
Linking Words
 trend.
For example
Linking Words
, in Thailand, its division announced a new tax system for sweetened drinks. The tax rate not only increases proportionally to per cent of sugar in those drinks but
also
Linking Words
 decreases the tax ratio for healthier options. Meanwhile, not only the level of sweetness of the products should be forced but
also
Linking Words
 how clean those industries are is significantly important.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the cleanliness of production processes must be considered by setting up the standards to ensure the products.
For instance
Linking Words
, the ISO standard is widely used for ensuring food safety in the targeted industry.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, since the consumers can raise their awareness of their health properly from those rules and how important nutrition food is
Linking Words
thus
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they can slightly change their lifestyle.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the government should publish regulations regarding nutrition and a healthy lifestyle which can noticeably pave personal responsibility for their own health. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 combined statement
Submitted by thepunpunpop on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the two views and your opinion. Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. Use linking words and transitional phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that you have a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points. Use linking words and transitional phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: