IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people around the world are choosing move to live in cities. What are the reasons that make people move to the city? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller towns and how should they do this?

The world has changed drastically in the
last
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 few decades, and
people
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 have started choosing to live in urban cities
instead
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 of rural settings. There are multiple
reasons
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 for
this
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 ,
as well as
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 consequences which the
government
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 must address.
This
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 essay will examine the
reasons
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 for
this
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 phenomenon, whether the
government
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 should encourage
people
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 to move back to smaller
towns
Use synonyms
 , and what strategies they should implement. On the one hand, there are many
reasons
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 responsible for the migrant movement to big cities. First, the availability of employment is attractive. Large urban areas possess more employment factors, including factories, retail, public and private sectors.
Second,
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the accessibility of better medical care and health clinics is important. There are more doctors and hospitals in large cities than in small
towns
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.
Finally
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, there are more educational facilities.
For example
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, there are speciality schools
as well as
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 multiple choices for daycare and nurseries.
This
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 is paramount to families with younger children.
On the other hand
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, without a doubt, the
government
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 should definitely encourage
people
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 to remain in their small
towns
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.
Furthermore
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, it will address and control many big city problems.
First,
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the
government
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 can create better transportation between urban and rural centres. Implementing commuter trains makes living in small
towns
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 and working in the city possible.
Next,
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creating a tax system
,
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apply
show examples
 that allows rural dwellers a tax break could be a big incentive.
For example
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, paying less in property tax might be an idea.
Finally
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, creating an infrastructure,
such
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 as opening new malls and factories, will create local employment. In conclusion, it is easy to understand why
people
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 migrate to the city. Better opportunities in every facet, including work, health and
eduction
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education
 are available.
However
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,
this
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 creates problems and
therefore
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 requires the
government
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 to implement
reasons
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 for
people
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 to remain in smaller rural communities.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. You explain why people move to cities well, but your view about moving to small towns can be stronger and more direct in each body part.
task response
Add one more clear example for your ideas. This will make your points feel more real and more fully developed.
task response
Some ideas are clear, but a few are too general, like city problems and government action. Explain them a bit more.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end. To make it better, link some ideas more smoothly inside paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with paragraph focus. In the second body paragraph, the first sentence says people should remain in small towns, but the task asks if government should encourage this and how. Keep the focus exact.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Words like first, second, finally are good, but sometimes they are repeated too much.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: reasons, your opinion, and ways the government can act.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to follow, especially jobs, health care, and schools.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a logical order, and each paragraph has one main purpose.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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