In many countries, people live longer and longer. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

#countries #people #development

In today's society,

People

want to celebrate more birthdays in their

life

Although

living more

life

is thought by some to be a good experience for them, other

folk

Change the wording

folks

show examples

think that it can be detrimental to

community

Add an article

the community

show examples

. In my opinion, I think that

this

development can have more benefits for

people

compared to any disadvantages it might bring. Admittedly, there are some minor disadvantages of living more by

crowd

Add an article

the crowd

show examples

Firstly

, at the age

after

Change preposition

show examples

eighty

people

's medical

expanses

Correct your spelling

expenses

show examples

are increase

Change the verb form

are increased

are increasing

show examples

year by year.

Therefore

, A dependent child cannot enjoy their hobby and stop to spend money

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show examples

extra things.

For Example

, if

elder

Correct article usage

the elder

show examples

community suffer from

dangerous

Add an article

a dangerous

show examples

disease like blood problem

then

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

might change their blood

evey

Correct your spelling

every

six months.

Secondly

, in some household, the elder public

have

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has

show examples

old-fashioned behaviour.

Moreover

their

Change the word

the

show examples

below generations are not giving too much

attentions

Correct your spelling

attention

show examples

to them.

As a result

, they decided to leave their home and buy

some

Correct determiner usage

show examples

new

house

Fix the agreement mistake

houses

show examples

Nevertheless

, despite the problems above, I believe

this

development could bring more benefits to society. One important benefit is that current generations gain knowledge of old culture and maintain and pass over it to

Correct article usage

the next

show examples

generation.

For example

, today's

people

learn how to celebrate Diwali from elder

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

and pass

this

knowledge to future generations. As a

consequences

Correct the article-noun agreement

consequence

show examples

, their culture

remain

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remains

show examples

live

Correct your spelling

alive

show examples

Furthermore

, someone

can

Correct pronoun usage

who can

show examples

get love and care from older

people

is unforgettable.

For example

, if children

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

suffer from illness

then

elder

Correct article usage

the elder

show examples

community take care

them

Change preposition

of them

show examples

so correctly. And I think

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

it is

best

Change the article

the best

show examples

medicine for them to recover instantly. In Conclusion, in some countries,

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

are eating healthy food and doing exercise regularly.

As a result

, they are living more numbers of years.

Moreover

, some folks believe that they are

burden

Add an article

the burden

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

their

life

. I think elder nation are base of our

life

and they are

great

Add an article

a great

show examples

source of learning

new

Add an article

a new

show examples

aspect of

life

, so

this

development far

outweigh

Change the verb form

outweighs

show examples

any of

minor

Correct article usage

the minor

show examples

disadvantages it has.

Submitted by writing7 on Tue Mar 28 2023

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

324 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, people live longer and longer. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that success life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as cooperative skill. What are the causes and suggest possible solutions.

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree.