IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. They will have to spend more money than others. Do you agree or disagree to what extent

#dangers #people #habit #money
It is a fact that the negative consequences of smoking not only change our lifestyle but
also
 makes various
impact
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impacts
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 on our economic stability.
According to
 me, smokers require more financial support for continuing their habit and they need money to overcome smoking-related issues. In
this
,
essay
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an essay
the essay
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 I will explain my views regarding
this
 subject with relevant examples.
Firstly
, smoking cause many health problems especially
like
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apply
show examples
lung cancer, and kidney failure and it
also
 stimulates excessive coughing.
Moreover
, it badly
affect
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affects
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sleeping patterns and increase mood fluctuations.
Consequently
, all
this
 physical instability
need
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needs
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 proper treatment
otherwise
 it will
threats
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threaten
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 human life.
Additionally
, all modern hospitals
charging
Wrong verb form
charge
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big amounts of money for these problems.f
For example
,
According to
 the UNO, around 5.8 billion budget spent by
top
Correct article usage
the top
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 10 developed countries for the prevention of smoking-related health issues.
Secondly
, nowadays local authorities impart penalties and fines for public smoking.
Therefore
,
chain-smokers
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chain smokers
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 spend a large amount of their personal savings
for
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on
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 these charges.
On the other hand
,smoking results
many
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in many
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 psychological problems like lack of concentration, reduce
employees
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employees'
employee's
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 creativity and increase poor performance.So these changes
adversly
Correct your spelling
adversely
 affect their working conditions in which people need more financial aid from either family members or local authorities
..
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.
...
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 To illustrate
this
,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 recent statistical review shows that 48% of world
chain-smokers
Correct your spelling
chain smokers
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 who working IT field now face financial instability because of their lower job qualities.
In addition
, now some companies avoid Smokers during their interview process
generate
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generates
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 unemployment among people. In conclusion,I strongly agree that smoking causes human life more miserable and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 debt.
Due to
this
 fact, it is a challenging situation for modern society.
Submitted by sooryag03 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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