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Writing Samples /
Band 6

more and more young people are commiting crimes what do you think are the reasons ? can you offer some solutions?

#people #crimes #offer
youngsters are easily impacted by the leaders of gangs
due to
 lack of supervision from their
parents
also
 they
incorporated
Add a missing verb
are incorporated
show examples
 in the implementation of crimes. I think that
parents
 play a vital role in directing their children to the right pathway by establishing a strong
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
 with them.
To begin
 with,
gang's
Change noun form
gang
show examples
movies
 were displayed on different platforms.
In other words
, these films will help in raising crime rates among youth, especially if the major actors in
movies
 participate in murdering somebody, kids will emulate them in reality.
For instance
, the star Ahmed El Saqqa who acts in many violent
movies
 and plays the villain role
then
 the children will imitate him
due to
 their lack of consciousness.
this
 example shows that uncensored
movies
 could be a dilemma in bringing up kids.
on the other hand
, the awareness campaign should be launched
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
censorships
Fix the agreement mistake
censorship
show examples
 and
parents
 should deal with their children smoothly.
In other words
, emotional containment could be a permanent solution for bad behaviour
sepecifically
Correct your spelling
specifically
 when it comes from their
parents
.
For example
,
parents
 could take training which
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
 them the way of treatment and rules of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 modification.
In addition
, censorships could take remedial actions in terms of
agressive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
movies
 and try to obscure
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. What can be said is that
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 environment was the best solution for evil deeds. In conclusion ,
after
this
 essay has shown the influence of uncensored content and how it could be a strategy
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 cultivating violence
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society, it can be said that taking precautions will cease crime rates. I assume that lawmakers should impose strict rules to face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gangs.
Submitted by alimohamedsami22 on

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