IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some believe that people are naturally born as leaders while others feel that leadership skills can develop. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #people #leaders #leadership #skills
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There are a lot of factors which determine an excellent leader.
One
Use synonyms
 part of society thinks that those characteristic features are innate,
while
Linking Words
 I side with another part
believes
Correct pronoun usage
that believes
show examples
 that it is more likely to be developed through time and practice. It is common knowledge that being a natural guide of people, a team is a risky task, which requires self-confidence and
vision
Correct article usage
a vision
show examples
 of the future ahead.
That is
Linking Words
 why,
according to
Linking Words
 some, these factors are usually shown in those that are predicted to become the greatest.
For instance
Linking Words
, Barack Obama used to be the brightest student and
then
Linking Words
 became
one
Use synonyms
 of the best presidents of the United States of America. During his
presidency
Add a comma
presidency,
show examples
 he
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
created and supported the national health care system for those, who could not allow it for themselves and was beloved by thousands and millions of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
US’
Change noun form
US
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 citizens.
However
Linking Words
, if everything were so easy to get, each of us could be a CEO by
this
Linking Words
 time. I share the belief that practice makes people masters.
Such
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 characteristics like critical thinking, self-organisation and motivation towards innovation or modernisation are mostly nurtured by time and experience. Think of Steve Jobs,
one
Use synonyms
 of the most sophisticated in the information technology field; starting with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of resources in the beginning, he
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
created
one
Use synonyms
 of the greatest companies in modern history. Obviously, he had polished his skills not just in technologies, but in leading too, as his organisation grew bigger and bigger. With a lot of effort and mistakes, he managed to become a pillar of
todays
Correct your spelling
today
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, being a good leader is a tough and rough task to manage.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that the greatest
one
Use synonyms
 inherits specific features to lead people, I believe they are cultivating them through a lot of experiences.
Submitted by terike555 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you consistently address all elements of the task. You've done a good job of discussing both views and giving your own opinion. Maintain this balance for future essays.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the use of linking words to make the progression between your ideas even smoother.
task achievement
You provided a comprehensive analysis with clear and relevant examples, such as Barack Obama and Steve Jobs, to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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