IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, in some countries, the proportion of young
adults
Use synonyms
 is significantly higher than that of the elderly. I argue that the advantages of
this
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 demographic trend outweigh its drawbacks, as it provides strong momentum for long-term national development. On the one hand,
this
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 situation may generate certain social challenges. One major concern is unemployment. With a growing number of young people entering the labour market, competition for limited job opportunities inevitably intensifies.
Moreover
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, the significant disparity between urban and rural development exacerbates the issue. Many young
adults
Use synonyms
 migrate to cities in search of better education and employment prospects, leaving older citizens behind in rural areas.
This
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 creates a cycle in which urban regions continue to progress,
while
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 rural communities stagnate, deepening social inequality.
On the other hand
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, the benefits of having a larger proportion of young
adults
Use synonyms
 are profound. A strong labour force enhances productivity and sustains economic growth.
In addition
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, younger generations often bring innovation, as they are more receptive to new technologies and possess fresh perspectives compared to older people.
For instance
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, in Taiwan, recent studies indicate that young
adults
Use synonyms
 have constituted around 70% of the working-age population in recent years, contributing to the rapid expansion of the semiconductor industry and positioning Taiwan as a global leader in
this
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 field. In conclusion,
although
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 a relatively large number of young
adults
Use synonyms
 may lead to social problems
such
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 as unemployment and urban-rural imbalance, the advantages—namely a stronger labour force and greater innovation—clearly outweigh the disadvantages.
This
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 demographic structure, if managed wisely, can serve as a powerful driver of national development.

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task response
Keep a clear plan. Start with your view, then show both good and bad sides, and end with a clear wrap up.
coherence
Use linking words to show the order and to show contrast, like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'.
coherence
Give more proof for each big point. Use a small, simple fact or example to back each idea.
coherence
Add a short final line that restates your view and, if possible, give a simple idea on how to act.
coherence
Check for small grammar and spelling; make the sentences short and easy to read.
task response
Stay on the task question. Do not add extra ideas that are not tied to the topic.
strength
Clear view and balance of ideas.
strength
Good use of signs to show the flow of ideas.
strength
End caps the idea well with a restated view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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