IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays, the media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree?

#media #emergencies #developments #people #individuals #society
Curantly
Correct your spelling
Currently
, mass
media
 concentrates on issues and
urgant
Correct your spelling
urgent
 cases
instead
 of positive growth. Certain individuals believe that it is damaging to the people and social environment. Optimistic information can prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bad consequences and reduce the stress level in society. In my opinion, publishing should focus on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beneficial improvements rather than on
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
. On the one hand, honing
on
Change preposition
in on
show examples
 global issues can prepare you for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad scenarios it still can cause a lot of stress and misunderstanding. Focusing on the drawbacks only makes our
existences
Fix the agreement mistake
existence
show examples
 worthless. You will think that you can not do anything to help the world.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
media
 do
such
 things to manipulate us. To illustrate
this
, nowadays different news publish articles that only concentrate on the dismissive data to control us.
On the other hand
, focalizing on positive info can improve your
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
. Surrounding yourself with helpful and hopeful data can make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society better because they will not concentrate on the drawback and see the world only in black.
Hence
, positive news
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 us happier we should focus the
media
 on hopeful cases.
For example
, when people started seeing the positive effect of
coronovirus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
 during the pandemic situation they
argeed
Correct your spelling
agreed
argued
 that staying at home make
th
Correct your spelling
the
 environment cleaner. They saw that
pollusion
Correct your spelling
pollution
 rates decreased and animals began to return to their natural habitat. In conclusion, I want to say that mass
media
 should focus on the benefits more than on the drawbacks. It will not cause harm to the people and society itself.
Consequently
, it will make individuals less stressed and depressed.
Submitted by salta.Zh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: