IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people saay that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so commin that we no linger pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In contemporary times, some opine advertising is a crucial aspect of a product or
brand
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 for driving
sales
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 in the market.
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While others
Correct word choice
Others
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 argue that advertisements have normalised and are no longer a driving force in
sales
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. In my opinion, to understand the role of ads in the current market both views will be discussed in detail.
To begin
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 with, Many
companies
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 strongly believe that building a great
brand
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 value plays a crucial role in targeting their consumer base. Because,
this
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 directly drives the
sales
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 and business of the company,
thus
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, resulting in a positive view in the audience, which is better for the reputation of the product. Many sports athletes and actors are chosen as
brand
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 ambassadors by the
companies
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 for the sole purpose of advertising their brands.
For instance
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, Puma constantly observed a drastic improvement in their
sales
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 year after year through famous personalities advertising their
brand
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.
On the other hand
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, A lot of advertising made
companies
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 advertise similar content
that is
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 of no value anymore. People are of
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
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 that
companies
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 are not focusing on quality and solely relying on ambassadors to drive
sales
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. Customer needs should be given priority to drive
sales
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 rather than just relying on ads.
For example
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, the Garments industry in India has numerous influencers promoting brands resulting in a stagnant market.
To conclude
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, advertising plays an important role in a company's growth and a driving factor of its
sales
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, but the quality of the products and customer satisfaction should be of more consideration because solely depending on advertising does not drive the business.

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay addresses both views on advertising's effectiveness and presents a balanced opinion. However, the introduction does not clearly outline the writer's opinion, and the conclusion could be more conclusive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is generally clear, but the essay would benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion to bookend the discussion. The use of transition words can enhance coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
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