IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people claim that modern work patterns are a source of stress. What do you think are the causes of this? Can you suggest some possible solutions?

#people #work #patterns #source #stress
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The condition of workers has been the main theme of many research papers and of many novels and tales in the
last
Linking Words
 few centuries. People are blaming modernity for the rising number of adults and teenagers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 feel stressed.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, the number of suicides is experiencing dramatic growth. The causes of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon can be different for every one of us, but in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I'm going to look for a common origin for it a
then
Linking Words
 I'm trying to suggest some potential solutions. First of all, working can be incredibly stressful. We often spend more time with our colleagues than with our families. There is a significant chance that we could become a slave of our occupation.
However
Linking Words
, some proposals might contrast
this
Linking Words
 trend.
In particular
Linking Words
, many big firms and businesses are experimenting with the so-called 4 days week. The results suggest that workers would benefit from a shorter work week in terms of stress because they are getting more free time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, companies would have a positive return in terms of productivity.
Additionally
Linking Words
, repeating the same actions every day can easily get boring. In
this
Linking Words
 case, a business that offers promotions and other types of gratifications can mitigate
this
Linking Words
 problem. Another source of stress is represented by the media. We are constantly compared to other people and their accomplishments.
Therefore
Linking Words
, reducing social pressure could be the best way to reduce the impact of
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Although
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 applies mainly to students it can be helpful for workers, too. In conclusion, we could reduce stress by shifting to a more human-friendly work pattern and we need a higher level of recognition for our job.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a healthier society should appear less competitive than it is today.
Submitted by cast_pie01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay's logical structure is somewhat unclear. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the connections between ideas can be improved for better coherence. Use transitional phrases and topic sentences to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, with clear and comprehensive ideas. However, the examples provided could be more relevant and specific to support the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • workload: the amount of work that someone has to do Example: 'The increasing workload is becoming overwhelming for employees.'
  • burnout: a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress Example: 'Long working hours can eventually lead to burnout.'
  • work-life balance: the balance that an individual needs between time allocated for work and other aspects of life Example: 'Flexible working hours can help achieve a better work-life balance.'
  • digital detox: a period during which a person refrains from using electronic devices such as smartphones or computers Example: 'A digital detox can reduce stress and improve mental health.'
  • job security: the probability that an individual will keep their job, with a low risk of becoming unemployed Example: 'Job security is crucial for reducing stress in the workplace.'
  • micromanagement: a management style whereby a manager closely observes or controls the work of subordinates Example: 'Micromanagement can hinder productivity and increase stress levels among employees.'
  • autonomy: independence or freedom, as of the will or one's actions Example: 'Giving employees more autonomy can help reduce their stress and improve job satisfaction.'
  • career development: the process of managing life, learning, and work over the lifespan Example: 'Career development programs can reduce stress by providing employees with clear growth opportunities.'
What to do next:
Look at other essays: