IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Online shopping is replacing the shopping in stores. Do you think it is positive or negative?

#stores
With the advent of new technologies and the growth of E-commerce in the world wide online shopping is spreading more and more quickly than before and replacing traditional markets with websites and other online platforms like Shopify.
this
 phenomenon could be both advantageous and negative for a number of reasons which I will reveal my opinion about soon. On the one hand, it is believed that online shopping is taking the place of traditional shops and stores with negative side effects for a number of rationals.
Firstly
, there has been a lot of investment in big malls and shopping centres which are going to be useless because for an online
shop
Add a comma
,shop
show examples
 there is no need for a fancy store only storage could be helpful.
Moreover
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 other businesses which will suffer from
this
 transition
for instance
 restaurants or playgrounds would be empty of people in case of flourishing online businesses. From another angle, I believe that online purchasing can be more beneficial than face-to-face shopping in malls and department stores for some good reasons.
Initially
, buying required items is more convenient with access to online shops and people can buy everything with a finger click even if they are travelling far away from their houses
for instance
 amazon is a reliable and convenient marketplace for online buyers. More importantly,
time-consuming
Correct article usage
the time-consuming
show examples
 process of going out and purchasing could be controlled and individuals can spend their time wisely on other important aspects of their life
also
 using less gas is more environmentally friendly for our planet. In conclusion,
while
 I recognize that there are disadvantages associated with online platforms, I consider the shift toward them to be beneficial in general.
Submitted by m.beirami2008 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: