IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #career #path #lives #life #change #jobs
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It is argued that individuals who are satisfied with their working
life
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 are those who decide early in their
life
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 about which
career
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 they want in the future more than those who do not decide. I totally agree with
this
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 statement, because
people
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 who decide early focus only on their development in their
career
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 path. On the
one
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 hand, some
people
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 believe that changing
jobs
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 has a good impact on employees' working
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life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
This
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 is because when workers work in different
jobs
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, they will have knowledge in many different fields which gives them experience.
For example
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, a survey at Oxford University shows that employees who worked in different sectors have many experiences and are willing to work in different environments than others.
However
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, I believe that working in different fields hinders
people
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's development in
one
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career
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 path.
On the other hand
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, choosing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
career
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field
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 early in
life
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 has a positive impact on workers' working
life
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.
This
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 is because deciding early on which
field
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 they want to work in helps them to focus on
one
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 thing which allows them to develop themselves and become experts in that
field
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.
Also
Linking Words
, it allows workers to have more experience in it and get promotions in their
jobs
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, Aramco Company increased the salary of employees who completed ten years in their job.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think that
people
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 should decide early on which
career
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 they want
early
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to have time to develop their skills in it to become more significant in that
field
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. In conclusion, despite the knowledge and experiences that
people
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 have when they switch between
jobs
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, I think that the development of
one
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's skills in
one
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 sector is more beneficial as they will get more financial awards than others.
Submitted by sam  on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a good response to the task and your points are generally supported with examples. Consider providing more varied examples to strengthen your argument further.
task achievement
Make sure to address counterarguments more comprehensively to enhance the response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument. Sometimes, ideas could be more clearly linked for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more cohesive devices to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The examples provided were relevant and helped to support the main ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
What to do next:
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