IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is believed that the presence of
science
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 should advance society's living standards. I fully agree with
this
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 statement and will explain some evidence that supports
this
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 statement from the medical and robotic
science
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 advancement perspective. The
field
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 of
science
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 has various majors and one of them is the medical
field
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. The
development
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 of
this
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field
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 has improved humanity's lifespan from only 30 years to more than 60 years old. One of the key reasons for
this
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development
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 is the invention of vaccines that can help bodies build immunity so that the next time bacteria and viruses come, the antibodies will protect the body from diseases. Other than that, the advancement of
this
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 major has helped
people
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 with eye problems to see clearly without glasses through optical laser surgeries on their retina. Beyond healthcare, the
field
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 of robotic engineering
also
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 plays a significant role in enhancing
people
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’s lives. With the advancement of
this
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field
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, many human activities are helped or even replaced by it.
For instance
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, the innovation of robotic vacuum cleaners has helped
people
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 clean their houses by only scheduling the robot through the app so that
people
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 no longer need to mop their floors. On a larger scale, the
development
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 of robotic fields
also
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 helps manufacturers automate their factories.
As a result
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, staying late in the factory is no longer necessary as there is automation. In the long term, it
also
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 improves society’s well-being as they can spend more time with families and friends. In summary, it has been explained that the
development
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 of
science
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 has improved human life in many ways,
such
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 as the invention of vaccines that improve
people
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’s lifespan, optical laser surgeries that improve vision among
people
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 with eye problems and automation that streamline manufacturing processes.

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Coherence and Cohesion
While your introduction clearly presents your agreement with the statement, you could provide a brief outline of what points you will discuss. This helps to set clear expectations for the reader.
Task Achievement
In your second paragraph, consider elaborating a bit more on how the development of vaccines changed specific health outcomes in populations. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more personalized touch to your examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to provide a brief conclusion that reiterates your main points, reinforcing how they collectively demonstrate the importance of science in improving lives.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively uses specific and relevant examples from both the medical and robotics fields to support your argument, showcasing a clear connection between science and improved living standards.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph structure is logical and flows well, with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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