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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have dissapeared or are disappearing. What problem is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this solution?

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Several parts of the world are facing a problem with the loss of traditional events or activities. In my opinion,
this
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 change is happening because of a decreasing number of
people
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 who are familiar with these
traditions
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 and the dropping interests of the young
generations
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. I believe leaving
information
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 in a lasting manner and advertising can be solutions. There are several causes that make some countries face the disappearance of
traditions
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. One notable issue is the shrinking number of
people
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 who
knows
Correct subject-verb agreement
know
show examples
 well about
traditions
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. Since, generally,
information
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 about old stories or festivals is succeeded from mouth to mouth, these
traditions
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 disappear if the
people
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 who have the
knowledge
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 die without telling it to the next
generations
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.
In addition
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, young
generations
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 are losing interest in traditional topics
due to
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 the increasing number of attractive activities,
such
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 as up-to-date movies and music, which results in the dwindling population who plans traditional events. In order to solve these problems, local authorities can play an important role.
Firstly
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, they should take the initiative in establishing databases or textbooks including the
knowledge
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 and tips of
traditions
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, by gathering
knowledge
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 from the elderly. By creating
information
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 storage,
people
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 can learn traditional activities anytime they want without teachers. The promotion
also
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 can be a great solution to the losing interest of young
people
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 against
traditions
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.
This
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 is because young
people
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 are easily influenced by the topics that become popular on social media.
For example
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, some Japanese prefectures successfully enhanced their attractiveness through advertisements using cute mascot characters, which gained popularity among Twitter users.
To sum up
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, traditional
knowledge
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 disappears because the opportunities
of learning
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to learn
show examples
 it are lost by the death of the elderly and new
generations
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 are not willing to succeed.
Therefore
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, I conclude that local governments should support making storage of
information
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 and promote its positive sides to youth.

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task response
You provided a well-structured response with a clear introduction and conclusion. Your main points were well-supported and relevant examples were used effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion. Your ideas are logically presented and linked together effectively. Consider using more varied linking words to further improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is effective in conveying your ideas. However, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource of your essay.
grammatical range
Your grammar is generally accurate, but there are some minor errors present. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that your sentences are structured clearly and accurately.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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