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Band 5

It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree

#college #students #schools #home #parents
There is an ongoing
discusstion
Correct your spelling
discussion
 regarding whether college
students
 should live on
campus
 or stay at
parent's
Correct pronoun usage
their parent's
show examples
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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.
While
 living with their family members has plenty of advantages, I strongly agree with the opposite opinion owing to the opportunity for independence and an
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
 conducive to
study
To begin
, it is obvious that
students
 who live far from their house have more chance to foster their maturity.
Because when
Correct word choice
When
show examples
students
 live on
campus
 without the carefulness of their parents, they have to learn how to confront
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
challenges by themselves.
Moreover
, learners are more responsible with their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and have to plan suitably
Change preposition
on their
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 daily basis
as well as
 manage their budgets properly to pay
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 living expenses.
Besides
, they
also
 need to adapt to the new life so that they can cook meals for themselves rather than
await
Correct your spelling
wait
show examples
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 parent like before.
Thus
,
students
 are likely to form a sense of independence when they live far from their house. Another key component of
this
 case is that living on
campus
 offers college
students
 to better learning process.
At
Change preposition
On
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
campus
, without the distractions of home,
students
 can dedicate more time and energy to
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
.
Moreover
, peer
students
 can share
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the problems that they encounter and help each other to overcome
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
,
this
 is really helpful
to improve
Change preposition
in improving
show examples
 academic performance. For that reason, living independently is always the best choice if college
students
 want to have an environment conducive to
study
. In conclusion,
although
students
 need to step out comfort zone, they will get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of advantages.
Thus
, it is vital to
study
 in an environment
conducive
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and improve skills to adapt to
independent
Correct article usage
an independent
show examples
 life.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear stance on the topic. However, including more specific examples or evidence would strengthen your arguments further.
task response
Work on ensuring that your main points are consistently supported by relevant, detailed examples. This will enhance the persuasive effect of your essay.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured and paragraphs are logically connected, make sure each main point is distinct and clear. Reiterate your key arguments succinctly in the conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and provides a good overview of your argument. It successfully sets up the context for your essay.
logical structure
The essay transitions smoothly from one point to the next, maintaining a logical flow throughout.
supported main points
You effectively highlight the advantages of living on campus, emphasizing independence and a conducive study environment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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