Due to the rapid development and expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities.
The bar chart compares the number of female enrollments at various educational levels: Primary, Secondary, and Tertiary, in developed and developing
countries
, and highlighting whether they met the target strength in two specific years: 1990 and 1998.
Overall
, the count
of female students
across all educational levels in developed countries
remained persistently higher compared to developing ones. Notably, the disparity in the female candidates between developed and developing nations widened progressively across all three levels of education
.
According to
the supplied data, in affluent countries
, as per the data collected in 1990, the female headcount in primary education
stood at 95, whereas
the number increased marginally in 1998. On the other hand
, in 1990, approximately 83 female students
attended primary school; the strength rose to 87 students
in 1998. Moving ahead, the target of female education
in secondary school was achieved in developed countries
during the recorded periods, whilst a massive slump in the count
in the same realm of education
was observed in the developing nations.
Furthermore
, in higher education
domain,not only did the count
of female students
soar in 1990 which numbered at 105 , but also
in 1998 where the number extended beyond the target by a count
of 20 students
. On the contrary
, exactly three-quarters of the high school’s population comprised female candidates in 1998, while
in 1990, approximately three-fifths of female candidates appeared in the realm of tertiary education
.Submitted by hadia.iftikhar126 on
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task achievement
Ensure that the introductory paragraph fully captures what the data is about and sets the context. This will help make it clear what the chart is illustrating.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay generally follows a logical structure, including a concluding paragraph would help in summarizing the key findings. This strengthens coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Revising sentence structures to be more concise and clear can enhance readability.
task achievement
Using more specific data points from the chart to support the main ideas would strengthen the main points. This would also make the response richer and more detailed.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of comparing the data between the two years and between developed and developing countries.
coherence cohesion
The essay uses transitions effectively to compare different data points, which contributes to a logical and coherent flow.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of comparative phrases such as 'on the other hand', 'whereas', and 'notably' helps in making clear comparisons.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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