IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, many medical research projects are funded by private companies. in your opinion, do you think that research should be carried by privare companies, individuals or government? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the contemporary era, there are many biological researches which are run by private
organisations
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,
such
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 as
companies
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 that develop new medications, for medical
information
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 purposes which would be beneficial for not only the private
research
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companies
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 themselves but
also
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 the public
health
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 system. I believe that
this
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 would bring absolute advancements in societies to increase accessibility to medical
information
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 and resources from ordinary people and to have a win-win partnership between
governments
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 and non-government
organisations
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.
To begin
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 with,
although
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 profit
companies
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 might invest in medical
research
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 projects to maximise their own benefit rather than helping the government's responsibilities to increase public
health
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, it may provide advantages from other perspectives for society members. A compelling example can be seen that if a medication corporation develops a new medication which is based on their medical
research
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 and starts to sell it, people would have more choices for their medicines and resources with the
information
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 from the company.
Therefore
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, the great benefit of having more advanced options that come from private
organisations
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 should not be marginalised.
Furthermore
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,
governments
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 can have partnerships with non-government
organisations
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 which many
governments
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 are already conducting. The partnership provides both sides positive
research
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 advantages by having enough allocated
research
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 funds during the
research
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 period in the position of the non-government
companies
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 and gathering reliable
research
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 data for medical development from medical professionals in the government's viewpoint.
Therefore
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, the
governments
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 are private
companies
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 can cooperate to achieve their goals which end up bringing positive outcomes for both. As a salient example, during the Pandemic, the US government supported Celtrion to develop an anti-virus in a financial way and the company
finally
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 completed their
research
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 and improved public
health
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. With these rationales, the partnerships would lead to positive outcomes for the public
health
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 system.
To conclude
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Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
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, medical scientific
research
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 is already done by private
companies
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 worldwide.
In addition
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 to
this
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, to amplify the benefits of the public
health
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 mechanism, I personally advocate the opinion that
governments
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 can make various forms of working with them by providing funds and having accurate
information
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 to maintain effective public
health
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction, which will set the tone for the essay. While your stance does become clear, it can be stated more explicitly at the outset.
task achievement
Work on developing your examples further. The examples given are relevant and support your argument but could be more detailed and expanded to strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a clear and logical progression between ideas and paragraphs. Transitions and connectors are used effectively at times, but some ideas could be introduced and concluded more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
To aid readers in following your argument, use paragraphing to clearly delineate your main ideas, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • equitable access
  • public health needs
  • profit-driven
  • crowdfunding
  • philanthropy
  • research bias
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • public oversight
  • collaboratives
  • bureaucratic processes
  • political agendas
  • patents
  • foster
  • inaccessible
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