IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The gap between the rich and the poor is widening very fast. What are the causes and effects of this widening gap? You may give solutions based on your knowledge and experience.

#gap #effects
There is a tendency to divide the world into two categories, the rich and the poor, and
this
 imbalance has been widening quickly. In my opinion, some problems in current
tax
systems
 and
education
 curriculums have worsened the situation and these policies should be reconsidered.
Firstly
, it is obvious that
while
 the rich grow their wealth,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty worsens. One main reason for
this
 phenomenon is the current
tax
systems
 where business owners have advantages. Income
tax
 is what employees need to pay,
whereas
 investment
tax
 is what employers need to pay.
Income
Add an article
The income
show examples
tax
 rate is usually higher than
investment
Correct article usage
the investment
show examples
tax
 and
this
 system encourages employers to be wealthier.
For example
, Warren Buffett, who is a billionaire and an American business investor, pays less
tax
 than his secretary.
Secondly
,
education
 is essential to achieve a successful career and everyone should have a right to acquire knowledge at school equally.
However
, the rich tend to go to private schools, where more advanced curriculums and
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 facilities are provided,
while
 the poor have no choice but to go to public schools or work.
This
 circumstance leads to an increase in differences among students.
For instance
, high school is not mandatory in Japan and some students cannot afford to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 and end up suffering from poor job opportunities. To solve these negative outcomes,
tax
systems
 should be rethought and
education
 should be offered regardless of social status. If more taxes were required to be paid by the rich, the government could allocate
those extra money
Change the determiner
that extra money
show examples
 into healthcare and
education
, which the poor need. In conclusion,
tax
 and
education
systems
 increase the differences between the rich and the poor, but I believe some revised government policies can help shorten the status gap.
Submitted by nanamach87 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: