In many countries, children are overweight and un healthy.Some people think the government should be held accountable.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government

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A sedentary lifestyle has become a trend among youngsters. Barely exercising and laying down most of the time

consequently

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causes overweight and unhealthy. Some countries don't provide any solution to lower the number of children exposed to

this

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disease.

In addition

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, parents' collaboration is

also

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needed to overcome

this

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situation.

Hence

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this

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essay will discuss my perspective on the matter

along with

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relevant examples. First and foremost, the government can be held accountable only to a certain degree.

For example

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, cities don't usually have green areas and parks that allow citizens to exercise.

Therefore

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, people lose interest in working out. Providing free areas and facilities to keep fit should be considered as a solution.

In addition

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, giving information to the public about the sedentary lifestyle and its impact can improve self-awareness.

Secondly

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, relying solely on the government to provide solutions won't be effective. The closest person to children needs to step in. Parents know their children's habits and are able to justify whether it is a good

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

or not. Monitoring their daily routine and meals is one step ahead to

solve

Wrong verb form

solving

show examples

the problem.

For example

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, kids who like to eat sweets and not work out will likely be overweight.

Then

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, they can limit or reduce sweets for their child. In summary, authority can be held accountable in the matter of unhealthy lifestyles among young people.

However

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, youngsters' guardians

also

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play their role in

this

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matter.

Hence

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, the collaboration between these two parties is really important to eradicate the current issue. After thorough analysis, several solutions can be conducted,

such

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as allowing the city to have green spaces and monitoring kids' behaviours.

Submitted by alifahrc on Tue Apr 04 2023

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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