The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011
This
line graph shows us a study
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
inquiries
received by the tourist information office in one city. Data is given by
type
Add an article
the type
show examples
of
inquiries
: in
person
, by letter or by mail or again by telephone.
This
study was realised from
January
to June during the year 2011.
Overall
we can see that the global number of
inquiries
seem to increase when the summer was coming. A second trend visible is that
while
inquiries
in
person
and by telephone
rised
Correct your spelling
risen
rose
rise
over
this
period,
inquiries
by letter/email tend to
dropped
Change the form of the verb
drop
show examples
. Indeed, the amounted of
inquiries
received in
person
in
January
was just over 400.
At the end
of February, the number of
inquiries
doubled compared to
January
accounting for 800
inquiries
before sharply growing by 400
inquiries
within March. Over
this
period
inquiries
by letter/mail decreased steadily from
January
to March before plunged from March to May from 700
inquiries
to just below 400 in May. As far as
Inquiries
by phone is concerned, they stayed between 800 and 1000 until April.
Finally
, from April to June,
Inquiries
in
person
and by telephone significantly climbed until 1900 and 1600 respectively.
Submitted by t.teiva on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words inquiries, person, january with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: