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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011
#inquiries #tourist #information #office #city #six #month #period
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This
Linking Words
 line graph shows us a study
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
inquiries
Use synonyms
 received by the tourist information office in one city. Data is given by
type
Add an article
the type
show examples
 of
inquiries
Use synonyms
: in
person
Use synonyms
, by letter or by mail or again by telephone.
This
Linking Words
 study was realised from
January
Use synonyms
 to June during the year 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
 we can see that the global number of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 seem to increase when the summer was coming. A second trend visible is that
while
Linking Words
inquiries
Use synonyms
 in
person
Use synonyms
 and by telephone
rised
Correct your spelling
risen
rose
rise
 over
this
Linking Words
 period,
inquiries
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 by letter/email tend to
dropped
Change the form of the verb
drop
show examples
. Indeed, the amounted of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 received in
person
Use synonyms
 in
January
Use synonyms
 was just over 400.
At the end
Linking Words
 of February, the number of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 doubled compared to
January
Use synonyms
 accounting for 800
inquiries
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 before sharply growing by 400
inquiries
Use synonyms
 within March. Over
this
Linking Words
 period
inquiries
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 by letter/mail decreased steadily from
January
Use synonyms
 to March before plunged from March to May from 700
inquiries
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 to just below 400 in May. As far as
Inquiries
Use synonyms
 by phone is concerned, they stayed between 800 and 1000 until April.
Finally
Linking Words
, from April to June,
Inquiries
Use synonyms
 in
person
Use synonyms
 and by telephone significantly climbed until 1900 and 1600 respectively.
Submitted by t.teiva on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words inquiries, person, january with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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