Some people believe that the death penalty can reduce crimes. Do you agree or disagree?

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Crime has increased recently in societies. Several individuals think that capital
punishment
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may reduce offences. I believe that the death penalty does not effectively solve
this
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issue, not only
due to
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potential mistakes in judgment but
also
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because of the
rehabilitation
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of criminals. One of the most significant issues is that mistakes may be made in judgment.
This
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is mainly
due to
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the fact that legal systems are managed by humans who may commit judicial errors, which cannot be reversed. It becomes obvious that when judges apply the death penalty, they may cause innocent individuals to lose their lives.
For example
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, many
countries
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where capital
punishment
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is applied have taken the lives of innocent citizens.
As a result
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, capital
punishment
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does not actually prevent major crimes.
In addition
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, other people are in favour of the previous view, claiming that the goal of modern legal systems should be
rehabilitation
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rather than revenge. What I mean is that killing a criminal does not address the social or physical roots of crime. I support their argument with
this
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explanation
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
if governments apply
rehabilitation
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programs for criminals, they can reintegrate into society after their prison term.
For example
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, developed
countries
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that have undergone long-term prison
rehabilitation
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programs have shown deterrence to criminals and decreased re-offending.
Therefore
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, governments must focus on
rehabilitation
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, which promotes peace. In conclusion,
although
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many
countries
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show that the death penalty increases mistakes in judgment, developed
countries
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implementing strict laws have undergone
rehabilitation
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that has enhanced crime deterrence. In my opinion, governments must abolish capital
punishment
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and focus on lifelong
rehabilitation
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to ensure a more humane and effective justice system.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first part. Say clearly that you disagree, then keep that line all through the essay.
task response
Give more clear and real support for your examples. Some examples are too general and sound unsure.
task response
Explain your second main idea more simply. The part about rehab is good, but some lines are not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body part focused on one main point. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some links are good, but a few sentences feel forced or not natural.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part match your main ideas more closely. Your end should sum up the same points in a clear way.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
task response
You use main ideas about wrong court choice and rehab, which are both relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs have a clear purpose.
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