IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below shows the aid form six developed countries to devloping countries from 2008-2009

the chart below shows the aid form six developed countries to devloping countries from 2008-2009
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given bar chart compares the assistance the US, Germany, the UK, Japan,
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 offered to underdeveloped nations between 2008 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the US was by far the greater contributor
while
Linking Words
Sweden
Use synonyms
 gave the least help throughout the period. In 2008, the US were the leading country to help their developing nation with around 22
billion
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 UK and Japan were the second countries to donate a high amount of money to the poor state in that
year
Use synonyms
, both countries donated relatively similar figures. ,
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 The other 3 countries donated funds which were around 10
billion
Use synonyms
 or lesser each that
year
Use synonyms
. ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 in the following two ,
years
Add a comma
,years
show examples
 USsponsorship witnessed a decline of 20
billion
Use synonyms
 which was still greater than the other five nations' help, by 2010 US aid rose significantly to about 27
billion
Use synonyms
. In ,contrast
Sweden
Use synonyms
 remains a lower supporter throughout the 3 years period, they gave out less than 10
billion
Use synonyms
 each
year
Use synonyms
. The Netherlands did better than
Sweden
Use synonyms
,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 their help was
also
Linking Words
 less than 10
billion
Use synonyms
 each
year
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sweden, billion, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: