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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People feel that educational success is dependent on having a good teacher, others say it depends not the attitude of the student. Discuss both side and state your opinion*

#people #success #teacher #attitude #student #side #opinion*
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The current
world
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's population is more than 6 billion individuals.
This
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 number will eventually rise from time to time and humanity will eventually collapse. Currently, overpopulation has already damaged the
earth
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 in many forms of ways. In some parts of the
world
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, access to clean water is declining severely
due to
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 high demand. Natures are destroyed by people to create inventions and technologies without restoring them. Transportations all over the
world
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 produce gases that affect ozone depletion.
This
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 causes global warming and the
earth
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's temperature is significantly rising. Overpopulation is caused by the increasing
amount
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 of
birth
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 rate in most of the places on the
earth
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. Reproducing is
one
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 of the amazing abilities of a human and many people are looking forward to having children. Many believe that having lots of children is a blessing and that more offspring will eventually lead to more fortune.
This
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 is why in certain parts of the
world
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, people will not stop reproducing. It is not wrong to have a family, but
one
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 should consider that in today's condition, having too many children is no longer recommended. The
earth
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's resources are gradually decreasing and the
future
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 is no longer at stake.
Therefore
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, when deciding on having many offspring, it is important to plan ahead and make sure that your offspring will eventually have a great life in the
future
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.
One
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 of the solutions that can be offered regarding
this
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 situation is
birth
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 control. The government needs to promote the idea of living with just the right
amount
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 of kids.
This
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 should be done in various types of methods
for instance
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 through social media or direct education from
one
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 neighbourhood to another.
Birth
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 control can
also
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 be done by distributing
birth
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 control pills to mothers
while
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also
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 giving insights on how to take them safely. Since the
amount
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 of population will not decrease in a short
amount
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 of time, it is
also
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 important for humans to start a sustainable lifestyle in order to maintain our
future
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.
This
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 can be done by reducing our use of plastics, using public transportation, planting more trees and other activities that will eventually have a positive impact on the environment. By doing so, the
earth
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 will
preserve
Wrong verb form
be preserved
show examples
 and will stay habitable for
future
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 generations.
Submitted by audiareina on

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task achievement
Ensure that both sides of the argument are discussed equally and that the essay has a clear position throughout. This essay does not address the topic adequately, as the given topic focuses on education success, but the content discusses overpopulation and environmental issues instead.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing ideas more coherently. Ensure paragraphs have clear main ideas and use cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction that presents the topic and a conclusion that summarizes the discussion and clearly states your opinion. Both are currently lacking.
task achievement
Develop main points with specific examples and explanations to better support the arguments. This includes ensuring examples are relevant to the topic of educational success, not other issues.
task achievement
Reread the task prompt carefully to ensure your essay remains focused and pertinent to the assigned topic. In this case, the essay has veered off the designated topic and therefore does not fulfill the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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