The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart provides data on the
number
Use synonyms
of international
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
from one Eastern country from 1985 to 1995,
while
Linking Words
the line graph illustrates the percentage of tourists who chose Australia as their destination.
It is clear that
Linking Words
international tourism was a quite popular hobby during the period and the
number
Use synonyms
of tourists travelling abroad surged between 1985 and 1995. The figure accounted for roughly 5 million in the first year and increased 3 times
at the end
Linking Words
of the period ,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
there was a slight decrease in 1991
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when the
number
Use synonyms
of travelling people dipped by approximately 0,2 million. Probing
further
Linking Words
, the percentage of Japanese in Australia made up 2 per
cent
Use synonyms
of the total in 1985 and shew an upward trend.
However
Linking Words
, the figure dropped by almost 1 per
cent
Use synonyms
in 1989 (from about 5% to nearly 4 per
cent
Use synonyms
).
Then
Linking Words
the
number
Use synonyms
of tourists grew significantly and reached a peak in 1993 (more than 6 per
cent
Use synonyms
of the total).
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
of Japanese travelling abroad increased between 1985 and 1995,
also
Linking Words
Australia became a quite popular region as a tourist destination.
Submitted by mgshetler on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, cent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: