IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

1.Some people choose a career according to the social status, or salary. Others choose a career according to their interests. So what do you think is the best what to choose a career? Give reasons and examples to support your answer.

#people #career #status #salary #interests #support
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Current people choose their occupation based on its social value and wages,
while
Linking Words
 others would rather start a
career
Use synonyms
 based on their desires. I completely believe that all of us should pick a
career
Use synonyms
, which we are interested in
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because it is the only way to be a real professional in a specific area and to find a sustainable job. First and foremost, employees, who are enthusiastic
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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, are always knowledgeable and desired workers in their field, so they work really hard and persevere every time, so they reach the top in their sphere.
Additionally
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, if they become one of the most competent workers, they will gain
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 salary.
For instance
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, a teacher, whose students are winners
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
competetions
Correct your spelling
competitions
,
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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 paid more, because it means he or she
teachs
Correct your spelling
teaches
reaches
 remarkably.
Hence
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, a hard-working
laborer
Change the spelling
labourer
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, who loves his job, is always revered and valued by the staff and employers.
Secondly
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, people, who
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 their
career
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 social status or money, may not be successful in their sphere since they are not great workers. If you
do
Verb problem
are
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 not keen on an area you chose, most likely you will not be good enough
in
Change preposition
at
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 it.
Therefore
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, they might be fired or change their occupation constantly
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of interest. An example of
this
Linking Words
 is a large part of the population with higher education, who is not working in their specialty. In conclusion, I think that every person should select a
career
Use synonyms
 by
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
 preferences, in that
case
Add the comma(s)
case,
show examples
 there are more chances to have a
career
Use synonyms
 path, higher wages, and some respect among others.
Submitted by kama.star.00 on

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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is expanded upon with sufficient detail. Refrain from making generalized statements without backing them up with specific examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence, with a logical flow of ideas and clear progression from one paragraph to the next. However, you could improve the cohesion by using a wider range of linking phrases and more varied sentence structures to better connect your ideas.
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