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Band 5

Crime is a big problem in the world; many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

#crime #world
Currently,prisoners, who break laws in the world are thought to be popular so it is impossible to put control them.
Whereas
 I believe that there are many ways to limit
criminals
 .
However
,I would argue that many ways can be applied to minimize
crimes
. On the one hand , the reason the crime rate is high is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 they don't have an education
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 has led them to go wrong. So the
government
 needs to pay attention and have the right education to reduce crime. Another reason is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 they need money which makes them do wrong and become prisoners
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Society is
also
 important,
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in a society full of prisoners which is all the
people
 there are the same . Almost all
criminals
 are usually not afraid of the law
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
also
 makes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes
 increase One of the major positive
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
. it is that punishment criminal .
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the
government
 must
also
 do its best to reduce crime.
People
 who commit serious
crimes
 need to
be punish
Change the verb form
be punished
show examples
 properly and
sentences
Wrong verb form
sentenced
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to time in prison.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 offenders are not only confined to prison but
also
 have to make them bear the pain they have caused the victim , and
people
 who commit
crimes
 again should rehabilitate
offender
Add an article
the offender
show examples
 and have not the opportunity .
Besides
 the
government
 should
also
 separate offenders so that
people
 don't have to live in the world but are always afraid of the
criminals
 around .
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 each of us needs to control ourselves and not do bad things In conclusion, many
people
 think no way that can be done to prevent it . To draw
conclusion
Add an article
a conclusion
the conclusion
show examples
 , in spite of many
people
commit
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
crimes
 but
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 always
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a way punish
criminals
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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