IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Crime is a big problem in the world; many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

#crime #world
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Currently,prisoners, who break laws in the world are thought to be popular so it is impossible to put control them.
Whereas
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 I believe that there are many ways to limit
criminals
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 .
However
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,I would argue that many ways can be applied to minimize
crimes
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. On the one hand , the reason the crime rate is high is
because
Replace the word
that
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 they don't have an education
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 has led them to go wrong. So the
government
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 needs to pay attention and have the right education to reduce crime. Another reason is
because
Replace the word
that
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 they need money which makes them do wrong and become prisoners
and
Correct word choice
apply
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Society is
also
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 important,
if
Correct word choice
apply
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in a society full of prisoners which is all the
people
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 there are the same . Almost all
criminals
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 are usually not afraid of the law
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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also
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 makes
the
Correct article usage
apply
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crimes
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 increase One of the major positive
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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. it is that punishment criminal .
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However
Add a comma
,However
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 the
government
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 must
also
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 do its best to reduce crime.
People
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 who commit serious
crimes
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 need to
be punish
Change the verb form
be punished
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 properly and
sentences
Wrong verb form
sentenced
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to time in prison.
For
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example
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,example
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 offenders are not only confined to prison but
also
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 have to make them bear the pain they have caused the victim , and
people
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 who commit
crimes
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 again should rehabilitate
offender
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the offender
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 and have not the opportunity .
Besides
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 the
government
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 should
also
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 separate offenders so that
people
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 don't have to live in the world but are always afraid of the
criminals
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 around .
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Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
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 each of us needs to control ourselves and not do bad things In conclusion, many
people
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 think no way that can be done to prevent it . To draw
conclusion
Add an article
a conclusion
the conclusion
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 , in spite of many
people
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commit
Wrong verb form
committing
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crimes
Use synonyms
 but
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 always
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a way punish
criminals
Use synonyms
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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