IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#believe #people #work #age #retirement
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king rest and enjoying life are essential for everyone. A group of
people
Use synonyms
 think that
people
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 have to not continue their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 after reaching their
age
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 of
retirement
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. I agree that
people
Use synonyms
 should stop working after reaching the
age
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 of
retirement
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss some reasons why
people
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 should do
this
Linking Words
. When
people
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 reached their
retirement
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age
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, they should enjoy their lives and spend the remaining
time
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 with their families. Parents devote most of their
time
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 in order to
fulfill
Replace the word
fulfilling
show examples
 their requirements and responsibilities
particularly
Add the comma(s)
,particularly
show examples
 for their children.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they do not entertain themselves or enhance and
strength
Replace the word
strengthen
show examples
Correct article usage
the family’s
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family’s
Change noun form
family
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 bond. When they retired, it is the best
time
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 to do these things and try to enjoy their lives.
For example
Linking Words
, the majority of
Jordanian
Fix the agreement mistake
Jordanians
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 when they reached the
age
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 of 60 years,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
devote all their
time
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with
Change preposition
to
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 families and
pursue
Wrong verb form
pursuing
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 their hobbies. Taking rest from
work
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 plays a symbolic role in preventing chronic diseases.
Sometime
Replace the word
Sometimes
show examples
work
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 can lead to increase stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 and
this
Linking Words
 could impact negatively
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
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’s health and
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, aged
people
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 are vulnerable to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 diseases more than
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation especially when they face problems and stressors. For that reason, older
people
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 should not pursue their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 when they retired from their
work
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.
A research
Remove the article
Research
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
conducted in the US about getting chronic diseases for
people
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 who
work
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 after
retirement
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has shown above 60% of
people
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 are prone to get Hypertension and Diabetes Meletus who
work
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 after
retirement
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. In conclusion, I am convinced that
people
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 should not do lifelong
work
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 and they have to take rest in order to maintain their lives and improve family’s relationship.
Submitted by ahmadalshraa1515 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • financial security
  • physical and mental health
  • youth unemployment
  • job opportunities
  • fresh perspectives
  • hobbies and interests
  • passionate workers
  • flexible retirement options
  • social security
  • recuperate
  • decades of hard work
  • contribute skills and experience
  • financial difficulties
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