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Band 5

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#students #work #results #time #education #pressure
Nowadays, a lot of
students
 have to get a job,
while
 studying.
This
 might have many negative consequences,
such
 as not
able
Add a missing verb
being able
show examples
 to focus on studying or feeling exhausted.
This
 essay will discuss reasons why
students
 go to
work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
 gaining knowledge at a university and what solution can be made to escape feeling under pressure. First of all, I think that there are a few reasons why
students
 have to
work
.
Due to
 high university fees, many families cannot afford to pay for their children
studying
Replace the word
studies
show examples
,
this
 is the most common reason. So
that is
 why many
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 a job for
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 ability to pay for their education.
However
, a part of
students
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to get some
work
 or life
experience
.
The
Correct article usage
Work
show examples
work
experience
 can help in writing a resume, so the chance that you will get a job
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will increase. Many companies want to get employers with some
experience
,
thus
 your
work
experience
 would be useful. Personally, I think there are a few solutions to solve
this
 problem.
Firstly
, The government should make university and
college's
Change noun form
college
show examples
 fees lower, so more families could afford to pay for education. Because a lot of universities and colleges have quite high prices to study
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there.
Additionally
, I think that many schools, universities and colleges should set up some courses to gain more life and
work
-needed
experience
. That would be beneficial for every
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
 and their future. In conclusion, I want to say that working,
while
 studying may cause a lot of problems with mental health,
such
 as burning out and apathy,
although
 I believe that financial literacy would be helpful in the future for every student.
Submitted by eva.tokmakova12 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial necessity
  • Tuition
  • Living costs
  • Employability
  • Work experience
  • Under pressure
  • Mismanagement
  • Time-management
  • Academic pursuits
  • Flexible part-time study
  • Financial aid
  • Scholarships
  • Bursaries
  • Collaboration
  • Integrated programs
  • Education
  • Work-life balance
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