IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #homes #fear #crime #actions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In our thriving economic democracy, a multitude of citizens are scared of going out of their homes for the reason of becoming victims of
crime
Use synonyms
 and many countries today are grappling with the best ways to curb rising
crime
Use synonyms
 rates.
Although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think that there is little that can be done to reduce the levels of
crime
Use synonyms
, I believe there are several rationales to tackle
this
Linking Words
 serious issue. On the one hand,
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that some solutions were applied,
the
Correct word choice
but the
show examples
 proportion of
crime
Use synonyms
 rate did not change.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
government
Use synonyms
 does not provide enough
police
Use synonyms
official
Replace the word
officers
show examples
 dedicated to
ensure
Change the verb form
ensuring
show examples
 the security of the inhabitant.
For example
Linking Words
, in India, a third of
Use synonyms
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 involved in the actual work of a
police
Use synonyms
 officer,
while
Linking Words
 the rest of the
police
Use synonyms
 do security services for politicians and senior officials.
Consequently
Linking Words
, there is a situation of theft of property and vehicles in public places on the street.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the achievements from economic growth and development are not distributed fairly and equally to everyone in society.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is obvious that the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate is
increasingly
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
, especially
juvenile
Change preposition
among juvenile
show examples
delinquent
Fix the agreement mistake
delinquents
show examples
 when there are frequent robberies, murders and robberies.
However
Linking Words
, from my point of view, there are solutions that will ensure
people
Use synonyms
 feel safer outside their homes.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 needs to increase
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
police
Use synonyms
 patrols on the streets to prevent the rate of criminal
crime
Use synonyms
. To be more specific, if criminals or those with malicious
intents
Fix the agreement mistake
intent
show examples
 witness
police
Use synonyms
 force patrolling in public places days and nights, they are more likely to be deterred from committing crimes
due to
Linking Words
 the fear of immediate
police
Use synonyms
 arrest.
As a result
Linking Words
, rates of crimes would drop significantly.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should include capital punishment in the law system as it will create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fear among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals and
also
Linking Words
 prevent crimes.
For instance
Linking Words
, President Donald Trump has imposed the death penalty
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 all violent criminals.
Besides
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should create more job opportunities for the poor
people
Use synonyms
, because it will narrow the gap between the rich and the poor not completely but is a solution to reduce levels of
crime
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there will be many
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 that make
people
Use synonyms
 afraid to leave their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
, I believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 will take strict measures and laws against those who break the law.
Submitted by phuongthao.3822 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Deterrent: something that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something.
  • - Vigilant: keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.
  • - Surveillance: close observation, especially of a suspected spy or criminal.
  • - Community-oriented programs: initiatives that target specific issues within a community.
  • - High-crime areas: neighborhoods or regions where crime rates are significantly elevated.
  • - Social inequality: the existence of unequal opportunities and rewards for different social positions within a society.
  • - Law enforcement: government officials responsible for maintaining public order and enforcing laws.
  • - Cynicism: an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; skepticism.
  • - Pessimism: a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
  • - Bureaucratic hurdles: obstacles related to the procedures and regulations in bureaucracies that create inefficiencies.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: