IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In many countries,
parents
Use synonyms
 encourage their offspring saying that they can achieve their
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
goals only if they will work hard. There is no debt that
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
 has pros and cons. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will show the positive and negative sides of
this
Linking Words
type
Use synonyms
 of parenting with clear examples. Encouraging
children
Use synonyms
 using
this
Linking Words
type
Use synonyms
 of message can inspire
children
Use synonyms
's ambition and strengthen their self-confidence.
This
Linking Words
 helps them to foster discipline and motivate
children
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many Asian
parents
Use synonyms
 use carrot and knit approaches for their youths. Positive methods can lead to independence and form skills
such
Linking Words
 as solving obstacles, decision-making, independence and of course tolerance to difficulties.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
type
Use synonyms
 of encouragement can boost
children
Use synonyms
's educational and personal abilities.
For instance
Linking Words
, positive motivation from
parents
Use synonyms
 or close people can help them achieve any goals related to school, career or any competition.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
parents
Use synonyms
 sometimes set unrealistic expectations, which can cause emotional problems,
moreover
Linking Words
 the health issues too.
For instance
Linking Words
, expressive and repeating messages can lead to internalising problems, in which
children
Use synonyms
 think that they not making enough effort for their
parents
Use synonyms
' efforts. They will always blame themselves and
this
Linking Words
 can cause emotional problems
such
Linking Words
 as anxiety, stress, sometimes heart diseases, etc.
However
Linking Words
, we should not forget that
this
Linking Words
type
Use synonyms
 of approach can lead to loneliness. I mean by that, sometimes students or pupils who are doing work alone, cannot easily build relationships with others. They will face difficulties in collaborative work.
Overall
Linking Words
, the parenting methods should include positive notes for youths, because
this
Linking Words
 can have more effect than expressive, hard methods.
In addition
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should give more attention to efforts rather than results, despite the negative scores.

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task achievement
Try to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. Make sure it's easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between your ideas. This will help the reader follow your thoughts better.
task achievement
Make sure to explain all your examples in detail. This can help support your main points more effectively.
task achievement
You have made good points about the effects of encouragement on children.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which are important.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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