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Band 6

The best way to prevent people from smoking is to impose high taxes on tobacco products. In this way, people will be less likely to develop a long-term addiction to smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #taxes #tobacco #products #addiction
Levying heavy
taxes
 on
tobacco
 products is the best way to prevent
people
 from smoking.
By
Change preposition
With
show examples
this
 method, there will be
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
 who develop a long-term addiction to smoking. In my view, I strongly agree with
this
 point. It is apparent that imposing high
taxes
 on
tobacco
 is the first method to reduce a great number of
Add an article
the smoker
a smoker
show examples
smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
smokers
show examples
. The reason is that a significant increase in baccy price is able to limit the solvency of many
people
 and to decrease their demands of having a smoke.
Furthermore
,
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 cost of
tobacco
 can restrict newcomers to buy it and
then
 lead to reduce the prevalence of smoking.
For instance
,
survey
Add an article
a survey
the survey
show examples
 of several nations shows that if putting high
taxes
 on baccy to raise the price by 10%, it would make 40
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
quitting
Wrong verb form
quit
show examples
 smoking. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
incease
Correct your spelling
increase
taxes
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
tobacco
 products is one of the most important and essential
method
Change to a plural noun
methods
show examples
 to decline
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 smoking.
On the other hand
, unless raising
tobacco
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
, more and more
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are capable to consume it. It is because
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the price is identically inexpensive and
then
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the number of purchasers, even teenagers, pupils,
students
Correct word choice
and students
show examples
.
As a result
, their health
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 affected negatively
such
 as lung cancer, stroke and heart attack.
According to
report
Add an article
a report
the report
show examples
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Vietnamese MOH,
tobacco
Correct article usage
the tobacco
show examples
 tax
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 up by 5000
dong
Change to a plural noun
dongs
show examples
each
Change preposition
for each
show examples
 pack of cigarettes,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can avoid 900000 cases of premature death.
Conclusion
Change preposition
In conclusion
show examples
, I believe that imposing high
taxes
 on
tobacco
 products is the best way to prevent
people
 from smoking.
Submitted by joyce.ta213 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • impose high taxes
  • tobacco products
  • prevent
  • people
  • smoking
  • long-term addiction
  • less likely
  • develop
  • discourage
  • affordable
  • reduce
  • availability
  • market
  • financial burden
  • deter
  • young people
  • start
  • generate revenue
  • government
  • invest
  • anti-smoking campaigns
  • healthcare services
  • continue
What to do next:
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