In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is an undeniable fact that we are living in a world where the academic environment is developing more than ever before.
Hence
, many doors of opportunity will open with various choices for children to get to the
success
that they want. From my perspective,
this
issue has many different aspects and I will present my opinion below. On the one hand, the idea of their putting in a lot of real effort to achieve goals, when appropriate and focused on attainable objectives, can serve as a strong inspiration for any young person.
This
is mainly because effort is indispensable in every human being and it brings us many benefits.
For example
, if you want to get a high score on the exam, it is very important to put your back into studying and do exercises to review. It helps us gradually create a great source of motivation to gain greater
success
.
Hence
, attempts inside us will grow more and more than ever before, we can see many problems increasingly clear after the times we close but no cigar. In brief, since real efforts require hard work and passion, encouraging speeches should only be in the form of relevant guidelines combined with compliments on the inherent potential of every individual kid.
On the other hand
, if delivered stereotypically, the message of telling that children are able to obtain anything if they try hard enough can lead to many unpleasant situations. In fact, a determined attempt often comes with perseverance and long-term reach. Many people, when trying to achieve the
success
they want, often quickly get bored and find new things to work towards. What’s more, the young children, when left without any responsibilities, might struggle to handle unexpected results, which could ultimately lead to their failure
as well as
their afterwards depression. It is because the path to
success
often has evil temptations.
For instance
, you want to be a baker, but when you hear many people say that doing that job is very difficult and doesn't make much
money
, you immediately change to another direction to make more
money
. In
this
case, one can see that
money
is a good servant but a bad master as you will lose your self-value just because of
money
. To draw a conclusion, every achievement has its strengths and weaknesses. In order to be successful, effort must be accompanied by perseverance and not letting things around distract us.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the message, it can improve by offering more balanced paragraphs. Each paragraph should weigh similarly to maintain a more consistent argument.
coherence cohesion
The coherence can be enhanced by using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay's points logically. For example, phrases like 'however,' 'in contrast,' and 'moreover' could help to connect ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Examples provided are appropriate, but they could be more specific and elaborated to increase their relevance and effectiveness.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, but the conclusion could be more robust and offer a clearer summary of the main points along with a conclusive statement.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument clearly, making sure to present advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples to support its points, which strengthens the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with distinct paragraphs for different points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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