IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#argue #music #individuals #stress #anxiety
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Undoubtedly,
music
 is a substantially significant topic that has triggered an untold amount of debate among various folks,
nonetheless
, some groups of individuals declare that
music
 particularly helps
people
 to decrease the
level
 of
stress
 and
anxiety
, and I vehemently agree with
this
 assertion. To commence with, First and foremost, nowadays with the rise of mindfulness and self-care matters, some types of
music
 are considered as a tool to give hands to
people
 who are struggling with a hectic lifestyle in order to make them calm during their daytimes
such
 as non-verbal
music
 with subtle harmony. A single mother who works on a full-time basis could face a sharp dip in her
level
 of
stress
 hormones after listening to some piano tracks.
Secondly
, it is highly argued by some
people
 that, listening to
music
 that has motivational lyrics would unconsciously boost the sense of motivation in an adolescent.
Consequently
, the
level
 of detrimental hormones
such
 as those related to
stress
 and
anxiety
 dramatically plummet. A student who listens to melodies before taking exams could stay more relaxed during exam time.
Last
 but not least, individuals who work out
while
music
 is played in a gym, are more activated,
hence
 fewer would face
stress
 and
anxiety
. All summed up, the necessities
along with
 the attitudes and aptitudes connected to the topics clarified above, demonstrate, that
although
people
 may vary in their points of view regarding the mentioned matter,
music
 plays an indispensable role in decreasing the
level
 of
stress
 and
anxiety
, which in my mindset sounds justified.
Submitted by maryam.niknamm on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea which is expanded upon with explanations and examples. Avoid presenting multiple main ideas in one paragraph which can detract from coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on creating stronger topic sentences that clearly state the main point of the paragraph. This will help the reader understand the direction of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively. This can include transition words, referencing and substitution, which can improve the flow of your writing.
Task Achievement
Provide more comprehensive development of ideas with detailed examples. General statements should be backed up with specifics to strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
Focus on directly answering the question throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph links back to the central question and reinforces your stance regarding the extent to which you agree or disagree.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay's conclusion should clearly summarize your main points and restate your position in different words, ensuring a balanced and complete end to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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