IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

It is commonly said that today's children are facing huge challenges. This essay indent to discuss the causes of these pressures and give some suggestions to solve them.

#children #challenges #indent #pressures #suggestions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart compares the total amount of money spent on junk
food
 per week in Britain in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1990
while
 the line graph depicts the
mostly
Replace the word
most
show examples
consumed fast
food
 during the span of 20 years from 1970 to 1990.
Overall
,it is seen that
while
hamburgers
 had the highest revenue,fish and chips were the most consumed ones.
Firstly
,in 1990,the high
income
 was brought by
hamburgers
 with approximately 45
pence
 spent per week.
However
,both fish and chips and pizza accounted for less than 20
pence
 profit.
In addition
 to
this
,
average
Add an article
the average
show examples
income
 from street
food
 was gained from
hamburgers
 with less than 35
pence
 with two other foods with 10
pence
 less
income
 compared to the previous one.Meanwhile,about all of
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
food
 had the same figure for low
income
 of approximately 17
pence
 each week.
Further
 analyzing,it is seen that in 1970,fish and chips were the average consumed
food
above all
 with exactly 100
grams
.
However
,it had a slow increase during the period with over 500
grams
 in the
last
 year.
While
pizza
Add an article
the pizza
show examples
 was the most consumed type of fast
food
 in the first year,
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 statistics
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 gone down.
That is
 why in 1990,the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
grams
 consumed
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 about the same as with
hamburgers
(250
grams
)
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • burden
  • strain
  • competition
  • expectations
  • demands
  • challenges
  • academic pressure
  • social influences
  • peer pressure
  • expectations
  • competition
  • recreational activities
  • playtime
  • achievement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: