Some people think that too much attention and too many resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree?

So far, the conservation of natural animals and feathered friends has always attracted the special attention of society.
However
, it is believed that humans should restrict time and resources for
this
problem. From my perspective,
this
opinion is partially incorrect to a certain extent. The following paragraphs
would
Wrong verb form
will
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shed light on my viewpoint. Perhaps for many, preserving undomesticated fauna and birds causes various drawbacks.
First,
conserving wildlife and feathered
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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causes financial burdens for the country. To be specific, the crucial fields of the nation are in great need of capital and said action would take away the resources of these industries, which
results
Wrong verb form
would result
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in slow economic development.
Second,
the innate abilities of beasts and flying animals would disappear.
In particular
, several wildlife only
inhabits
Correct subject-verb agreement
inhabit
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their specific surroundings;
however
, preservationists bring these individuals to preservation areas to breed and protect, which leads to destructive impacts on their lives. In fact, in Vietnam, a significant number of fauna lose their survivability and suffer from physical illnesses
such
as stress and depression after spending long periods in conservation areas. Despite the valid arguments detailed above, I still believe that protecting wild beasts and birds is really essential. The most pertinent point is that natural organisms and flying animals escaped poaching through the installation of shelters for them. To elaborate, programs are implemented to minimize the detrimental influences of humans on said organisms. In fact, the Cuc Phuong National Park, which is of paramount importance in maintaining the variety of biology, is the residence of mammals and birds facing the threat of extinction. Another justification is that protecting undomesticated flora is
also
a method to enhance the environment.
This
could be easily seen in numerous ecosystems which have been seriously damaged and have become unwelcoming
due to
the disappearance of various creatures, which results in the misleading balance of the natural living environment. In conclusion, it is disputable that spending too much attention and resources on the protection of fauna negatively affects not only the economy of the nation but
also
the survivability of beasts.
Nonetheless
, I still partly disagree with the standpoint in question because of its conductive effects on the surroundings
as well as
the existence of organisms and feathered friends.
Submitted by nttung.182 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon with sufficient detail and logical argumentation. While the essay presents a logical structure, some points could be further elaborated to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize the main points of the essay. The current introduction and conclusion do well in framing the essay, though it may be improved by including a stronger thesis statement and final thought in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with precise and relevant examples or data where possible. Your essay includes some examples, but these could be more specific and detailed to enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task by providing a balanced discussion that includes your opinion. Your response mostly aligns with the task, though it could benefit from more evenly weighing both sides of the argument before stating your opinion.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly communicated and comprehensive, allowing the reader to easily follow your line of reasoning. At times, ideas could be phrased more clearly to improve comprehension and impact.
task achievement
Incorporate specific examples that are directly relevant to the prompt to demonstrate understanding and provide support for your arguments. While examples are present, aiming for more direct relevance and stronger connections to the prompt will provide a more solid response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
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