IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

the diagram shows blow the changes that have taken place at west park secondary school since its construction in 1950

#blow #changes #place #west #park #school #construction
the picture shows the changes at west park secondary university, establish in 1950 till 2010
overall
it is clear that
 the main road remains in the same place for over 60 years of time. the faculty had undergone some significant changes with
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
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the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 space of the school building. the parking space is
also
 enlarged, and the sports field and playground are cut down to half. as can be seen from the diagram, the first time different renovations were made to the institute ground was in 1980. in 1950 there were houses and farmland, and in comparison to 1980 the car park and the science block were constructed in the place of houses and a farmland space is just converted into sportsfield.
furthermore
, in 2010, the science block and the school's main building remains the same. over the period of 30 ,years the car park is extended. the playground area is cut down to half and the other half of the playground became
sports
Correct article usage
a sports
show examples
 field. in
brief
Add a comma
,brief
show examples
 the area around the institution building made several changes over the past 60 years.
Submitted by abhikshatriya14 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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