IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the diagram shows blow the changes that have taken place at west park secondary school since its construction in 1950

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the picture shows the changes at west park secondary university, establish in 1950 till 2010
overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
it is clear that
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the main road remains in the same place for over 60 years of time. the faculty had undergone some significant changes with
Correct article usage
the increase

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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increase
Change the verb form
increasing

The verb increase may be in the wrong form after the preposition with. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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the
Change preposition
in the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 space of the school building. the parking space is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 enlarged, and the sports field and playground are cut down to half. as can be seen from the diagram, the first time different renovations were made to the institute ground was in 1980. in 1950 there were houses and farmland, and in comparison to 1980 the car park and the science block were constructed in the place of houses and a farmland space is just converted into sportsfield.
furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in 2010, the science block and the school's main building remains the same. over the period of 30 ,years the car park is extended. the playground area is cut down to half and the other half of the playground became
sports
Correct article usage
a sports

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 field. in
brief
Add a comma
,brief

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in brief. Consider adding a comma.

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 the area around the institution building made several changes over the past 60 years.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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