IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that their children should be taught to be competitive in school while other think that teamwork and cooperate are more important. disscuss both porint of view and give your opinion.

#people #children #school #teamwork #disscuss #porint
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that children should be taught to be competitive in school ,
while
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 others believe that cooperation and teamwork in school are more significant. In
this
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 essay, I will argue that parents have to ensure that schools promote more teamwork and socialize with other
people
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 Being competitive with your friends or classmates doesn’t mean poor personality formation as long as it is not causing a type of distress . That’s why it’s totally understandable that
people
Use synonyms
 are still thinking that
this
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 should be part of the education training . As a
child
Add a comma
,child
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 they have to learn from the beginning to be interested in learning new things . Families believe that
this
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 action could increase the motivation to get good grades at school
Add the comma(s)
,
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especially for early age when they normally are quite distracted and difficult to comprehend but could be beneficial in the future.
However
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 , personally speaking. I would argue that it is important to develop relationships between
people
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.
For instance
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, If we don’t obtain enough knowledge to work as a team sharing and accepting opinions from others ,
this
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 could affect us to socialize with other individuals .
This
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 type of education would help us to improve our
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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in the job , family , friends and love .
In addition
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 , cooperation with others would give us the opportunity to grow as a human and create new experiences with different
people
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 but
this
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 idea would not be carried out without a good education . Taking everything into consideration , schools are an essential factor to build
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human personality. Every step done as a child is significant to grow and
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
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 our personal skills . It is healthier to learn how to develop with other
people
Use synonyms
 than be the number one
in
Change preposition
apply
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every time we are going to work with other children.
Submitted by natalia9940 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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