In many counties, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. What are the causes of this phenomenon and how to solve it.

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Introduction
It is observed that most of the illicit
activities
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are being performed by youngsters. The reason that provokes
this
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cause is that teenagers believe that they evade the penal
punishment
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for commiting the criminal
activities
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due to
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their
age
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factor;
however
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,
this
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could be prevented if countries enact severe
punishment
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laws for youth offenders.
Body · 1
To begin
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with, many criminal organisations hire youngsters in their group because they can do illegal
activities
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without facing harsh consequences.
This
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is because in many nations, teenagers who are under the
age
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of eighteen cannot get a jail sentence for any criminal activity, and will only be awarded detention.
This
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instigates
such
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organisations to add
kids
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to perform their tasks, and
similarly
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, inspires these
kids
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to earn easy money by doing
such
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acts without consequences. Countries that are lenient towards minors are facing an increase in
such
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activities
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.
Body · 2
This
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issue could be resolved if nations would treat criminals in a similar manner , irrespective of their
age
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. Children would refrain from doing an act that doesn't abide by the law of the land.
For example
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, in the U.S.A., many young offenders are being given capital
punishment
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or life sentences to make a statement that the
age
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factor will not be able to mitigate the severity of the crime. It
also
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engages the fear inside
kids
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having
Punctuation problem
, having
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the same mindset to follow the laws of the land , and it is
also
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a factor that could halt a child to do a crime.
Conclusion
In conclusion, if a nation is observing a rise in criminal
activities
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being performed by
kids
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, it should reform its laws to tackle
such
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a situation and make an example by giving harsh
punishment
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to the offenders.

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task response
For task response, answer both parts in a more full way. You give one main cause and one main solution, but this topic needs a wider view.
task response
For task response, explain your ideas more clearly. Some points are repeated, and some claims are too strong, so the essay does not feel fully balanced.
task response
For task response, use safer and more real examples. The example about very harsh punishments is not well used and may not be true in a general way.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear basic structure: intro, body, body, end. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, link ideas more smoothly inside each paragraph. At times, the flow is a bit hard because some sentences are long and not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, develop each main point with one clear reason and one clear result. This will make support stronger and easier to follow.
task response
You answer the topic directly and stay on the subject through the essay.
task response
You include both a cause and a solution, so the reader can see your main position.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion, and both match the main idea of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your body paragraphs each focus on one main idea, which gives the essay a clear shape.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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