IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many parts of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this a positive or negative development?

#parts #world #children #freedom #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
it is true that these days, many
children
Use synonyms
 have the autonomy to make a decision on their own. personally, I hold the belief that the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 development are overshadowed by its disadvantages. on the one hand, those who support the freedom of youngsters may point out its positive effects on their mental health. it is worth mentioning that when
children
Use synonyms
 are allowed to make their own decisions, they are able to explore a myriad of interesting things, which can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
broaden their horizons about the world and escape from their daily hectic schedules.
for example
Linking Words
, in
viet nam
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
, many extracurricular activities are celebrated in order to encourage more
children
Use synonyms
 to discover their passions freely without the control of parents or teachers.
due to
Linking Words
 opportunities, youngsters are likely to have an optimistic view towards their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and enrich their knowledge of the outside world.
on the other hand
Linking Words
,the drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 trend need to be taken into consideration significantly, without the management of adults,
children
Use synonyms
 can get involved in social issues, which would have a detrimental impact on their future lives.
for instance
Linking Words
, people who commit a crime at an early age are unable to find a suitable job in the future.
furthermore
Linking Words
, teens need the assistance of their parents and teachers, because there a still a lot of things that they need to absorb with a view to becoming good citizens.
therefore
Linking Words
, too much freedom can affect negatively
children
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. in conclusion, I am of the opinion that the merits of
this
Linking Words
 tendency are eclipsed by its demerits. it is predicted that technological devices will accompany youngsters to control them in certain situations in the future.
Submitted by bobong120906 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the response fully addresses the task prompt and provides a clear opinion on the given topic. Support the ideas with relevant examples and explanations to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas logically and coherently, using appropriate linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs. The introduction and conclusion should clearly present the main points and summarize the overall argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: