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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

We live in a world in which we are constantly exposed to advertising. To what extent does advertising influence our choices as consumers, and what effect does it have on our lifestyles? Discuss the issue and give your opinion.

#world #influence #choices #consumers #effect #lifestyles
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Nowadays, we are surrounded by many advertisements on a daily basis. The impact which it has on society is quite huge, as it helps
people
Use synonyms
 to notice some
products
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 and push them to buy them by presenting them well.
Moreover
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, it makes many individuals more vulnerable to manipulation, which I believe, is not a positive outcome.
This
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 essay agrees with that suggestion. Some
people
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 spend lots of time online shopping.
While
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 doing it they might have a chance of seeing different
a
Correct article usage
apply
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kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of advertisements. The more pleasant and convincing they look, the more
people
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 become interested in the
products
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 in them.
As a result
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, they decide to buy it and the sales of these
products
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 slowly start to increase.
This
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 way, they become more popular, which is the key to the company’s success. So is the food usually advertised, by showing the best quality of it,
along with
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 the expressive colours and suitable music in the background, to catch other’s attention.
Nevertheless
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,
such
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 commercials make
people
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 more sensitive to the outside world.
For example
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, we may hear sometimes on the radio about special occasions and discounts which will manipulate us into thinking that we need to purchase the specific product we hear about, even though we know how unpractical and useless in reality it may be. These can be
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for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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 instance, weight loss
products
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 which may not work as they should.
Making at
Verb problem
At
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 the same time
people
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 fall for
this
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 unfair trick. In conclusion, advertising definitely has an influence on
people
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’s decisions about what to buy. I think it is essential to remember
of having
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to have
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 self-control
while
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 listening to them, as they may be really tricky and convincing sometimes.
However
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, without them, many famous articles would stay unknown to
this
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 day.
Submitted by alekssandrahoffa on

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines your opinion on the impact of advertising. Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the prompt, including discussing the influence of advertising on consumer choices and lifestyles. Your essay mainly focuses on the influence of advertising on consumer choices but lacks depth in discussing its effect on lifestyles.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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