IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many cities, old buildings are being destroyed to create more space for new housing. What is your opinion?

#cities #buildings #space
Nowadays, an increasing of
people
 in each
cities
Change to a singular noun
city
show examples
 need more new
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 or new housing that will ensure their
life
 to have a better of living
quality
 in towns. Even though,
old
Add an article
the old
show examples
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 important to show
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
culture and the way that how
people
 in the past
use
Replace the word
used
show examples
 to be living in that
cities
. In my opinion,
to create
Change the verb form
creating
show examples
 new housing by
replace
Change the verb form
replacing
show examples
 the old one is nessecery for
people
 to have better
life
quality
 in long
term
.
Build
Wrong verb form
Building
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new housing by
replace
Change the verb form
replacing
show examples
 the old one is
useful
Add an article
a useful
show examples
 method for
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
long
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
term
 living
quality
. The old building
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be
detroyed
Correct your spelling
destroyed
 in some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of the
cities
 to
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 a new
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 because
people
 in present want to buy a
house
 to live in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long
term
 of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
life
 and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
new housing will give a better
quality
 of
life
 to
people
 as well.
For instance
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
days
Change to a genitive case
day's
show examples
people
 tend to buy a
house
 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good and new decoration, it is
mean
Replace the word
means
show examples
 that
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
 housing will able to
gave
Change the form of the verb
give
show examples
 a long
term
 good living
quality
foe
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
people
 in any
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
show examples
. Old building
are not target
Change the verb form
does not target
show examples
people
 with great living
quality
 for
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
term
. Various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 love to
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 a new
house
 to live
it
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 with their family. So that destroy some old not
nescesery
Correct your spelling
necessary
buliding
Correct your spelling
building
 and replace it with a great new vibe
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
 housing will making a lot of benefit for long
term
 of the
cities
.
For example
,
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 that still looking for
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
house
 to live in and to build a new good building will be
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
taget
Correct your spelling
target
 for
yhose
Correct your spelling
those
people
. In conclusion, new housing is important for any
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
show examples
 because it is making better living
quaility
Correct your spelling
quality
 and
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
target
Correct subject-verb agreement
targets
show examples
people
 with
long
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
term
 buying a
house
. So that old
biolding
Correct your spelling
building
 need to
be destroy
Change the verb form
be destroyed
show examples
 to create new
house
 to lift up
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lifestyle in the future.
Submitted by witchayutpie on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: