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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays,many people choose to be self-employed,rather than to work for a company or organisation.why might this be the case?what could be the disadvantage of being self-employed?

#people #work #company #organisation #be #case
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When compared to working for a company or organization in the present day, becoming self-employed is more acceptable to a large number of
people
.
This
 is the case for the reason that it alters our world after it has occurred. To add insult to injury, it possesses both positive and negative aspects, which will be discussed in the following essay. The first thing to note is that
people
 who are self-employed would rather
work
 for other
people
, which is the case. The reason for
this
 is that the modern economy is characterized by the presence of large corporations and organizations. Because of
this
, our economy will begin to undergo transformations if individuals opt to
work
 for themselves rather than for the companies that employ them.
In addition
,
this
 change might be detrimental to us, but it might
also
 be advantageous to us.
One
 of the drawbacks of working with other
people
 is that it helps to reduce the cost of production.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that each individual takes on different responsibilities and becomes proficient in them.
Additionally
, when individuals collaborate with
one
 another, they have the opportunity to gain knowledge from
one
 another, which ultimately leads to an increase in productivity.
Subsequently
, when the costs were reduced and the production was increased, the profits of businesses increased at a rapid pace. If,
on the other hand
,
people
 choose to
work
 for themselves,
then
 our nation will no longer enjoy these advantages. As an illustration, during the previous century, society struggled with low levels of productivity.
People
 did not collaborate with
one
 another, which is
one
 of the reasons why
this
 happened. If a single individual makes an effort to manufacture a car, it will require a significant amount of time and effort.
On the other hand
, if a large number of
people
 begin to assist in the establishment of a company and
then
 collaborate with other individuals,
then
 a car can be manufactured in a single day. In conclusion, in today's world, a significant number of
people
 are opting to
work
 for themselves rather than working for a company or organization, which is a situation
that is
 not only common but
also
 fraught with numerous drawbacks.
Submitted by mkhdermani on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your main points are clearly articulated and supported with specific examples. This will help in providing a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Refine your logical structure by making clear connections between sentences and paragraphs, using more transitional phrases when necessary to improve flow and comprehension of your essay.
task achievement
You've presented both sides of the argument, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of being self-employed, which demonstrates understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a strong frame for your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
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