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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People say that nowadays, modern teens are too reliant on Information Technologies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teens #information #technologies
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Teenagers
 in
this
 modern era are widely believed to be too reliant on
Information
Technologies
. In my opinion, I do not agree with that statement for the following reasons. It is apparent that students nowadays depend quite a lot on
Information
Technologies
 in many aspects of their lives.
For example
,
teenagers
 have changed the way they communicate with each other. In the past,
people
 used to talk to one another in person or
use
Verb problem
apply
show examples
let ters as tools of distant connection. Now, young
people
 mostly contact each other through message networks and rarely arrange face-to-face meetings. It is possible that without the help of
information
technologies
,
teenagers
 will have many challenges in maintaining their work efficiency. Generally,
teenagers
 are called dependent when they can not do something without
Information
Technologies
. Meanwhile, modern
people
 seem to be making a lot of great use of
Information
Technologies
.
Teenagers
 now have a deep understanding of the way technology around them operates, so they apply those advances successfully and creatively to their jobs.
For instance
, many young adults work for foreign companies at an early age as they use many social media platforms to accumulate
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
 knowledge and find
out
Change preposition
apply
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many employers across the global market. It is
Information
Technologies
 which enable a fluent flow of
information
, resulting in more fluent interaction between
people
.
Teenagers
 do know
this
 and are making the most out of it.
Therefore
, they are not totally reliant on
Information
Technologies
. In conclusion, despite the undeniable support of
Information
Technologies
 in many modern activities, young
people
 are making an effort to apply its efficiency to their productivity
instead
 of just accepting that they are dependent on it in everything.
Submitted by ngocthuykatie on

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Task Achievement
To improve your essay, it's crucial to incorporate more varied examples that illustrate your points more vividly. Avoid general statements and strive for specifics to make your arguments more persuasive and grounded.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the link between your paragraphs by using more cohesive devices. While your essay flows logically, making your transitions smoother will help your arguments to be more seamlessly connected.
General Advice
Expanding on your examples with more detail and explanation can also strengthen your essay. It's not enough to simply state an example; explaining its relevance and impact makes your argument more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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