IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The government should spend money in promoting sport and art in school, rather than sponsoring sports and art events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #sport #art #school #sports #events #communities
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It is evident for some that
government
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 ought to concentrate on supporting sport and
art
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 in
schools
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 more
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 than in communities of people. From my perspective, I absolutely agree that it is better for the
government
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 to promote cultural activities in
schools
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 in comparison with groups of people. First of all, by promoting
art
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 and
sports
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 in
schools
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, the
government
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 takes care
about
Change preposition
of
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children’s health and well-being which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 them to perform in a good way.
Also
Linking Words
, these teenagers being a part of their families and groups of friends are able to make a great impact on their parents and peers around them.
In addition
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, today’s juveniles will be adults and parents, and if they continue following a healthy and cultural lifestyle, the country probably would develop more significantly. Building hockey facilities in
schools
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,
for instance
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, allows the
government
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 to encourage young boys to become successful hockey players in the future representing their country at the Olympic games.
Secondly
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, promoting
sports
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 and
art
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 in school might reduce crimes among juveniles
due to
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 their busyness with other more beneficial things. It is obvious that many kids commit a crime in their free time when they do not have anything to do.
Therefore
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, it should be the
government
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’s responsibility to form regulations for
schools
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 in terms of extracurricular activities
such
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 as
sports
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 and
art
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 in order to avoid children being involved in committing a crime. Take an example, in private high
schools
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 in developed countries, there is an exception to
face
Verb problem
apply
show examples
drug abuse compared with some state
schools
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due to
Linking Words
 their programs with no additional
sports
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 and
art
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 classes. In conclusion, I totally agree that the most efficient for the
government
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 is to invest a lot in sport and
art
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 in school for children’s health and the country’s well-being in the future.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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