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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Young people today mostly learn by reading books or watching movies, rather than real-life experiences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that films and
books
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 are a better approach for the young to shape their
behaviours
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 than learning them on their own. I completely disagree with
this
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 idea since movies and
books
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 often focus on extreme characters and learning through hands-on experiences is more impactful.
To begin
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 with, films and
books
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 are not a superior way for young
people
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 to learn good
behaviours
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 as there are many negative role models in most of them. To be more specific, characters in
such
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 forms are usually idealized or exaggerated to appeal to audiences;
therefore
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, they often possess a set of
behaviours
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 that are regarded as immoral and violent in reality.
For example
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, the image of the Joker in the movie with the same name is cruel and aggressive but admired by numerous young
people
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 in the world since he is considered to be a hero in some ways.
As a result
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, many tend to imitate his actions in real life without realizing that these are wrong and have dire consequences. Another reason why I disagree is that
people
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 have a stronger emotional reaction to real experiences which means they learn more from them.
First,
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they can remember what they gained more vividly. In fact, if they behave badly and are criticized by others, they could realize that their actions are totally wrong and annoy others to a significant extent;
thus
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, they are more likely to avoid making the same mistakes in the future. It is
also
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 scientifically proven that knowledge is stored for a longer period of time if
people
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 experience it on their own
due to
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 a combination of senses.
Furthermore
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, first-hand experiences enable young
people
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 to decide which
behaviours
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 suit them the most.
This
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 is because they will be learning behaviour in areas that they need
whereas
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books
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 and movies might be showing behaviour in contexts that are not relevant to them. In conclusion, I completely disagree with the idea that movies and
books
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 instil good
behaviours
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 in young
people
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 since characters are often presented with violent
behaviours
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, and learning through experience is more effective
to control
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in controlling
show examples
 behaviour and attitudes as they can be better stored and are more suitable for each individual.

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Task Response
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt and offers a well-structured argument with relevant examples. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the essay's main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure and coherent development of ideas. To further enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and use cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
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